I got to go out with the girlz last night — thanks to my husband who organized a much needed break for this mama. And you know what we did? We went to see “Mom’s Night Out.” Two enthusiastic thumbs up.
The night couldn’t have come at a better time. Because, well, I’ve been tired. And I’ve had my share of motherhood moments lately.
Like the other day…
If you’ve read my blog for a while, then you may know that this past year marked our first year of homeschooling. And I didn’t come into it gracefully. I pretty much fought it every step of the way because I’m the one who said I would never homeschool. Never ever.
Well, we made it through the first year and I will say that God has faithfully met me, usually in the locked bathroom with little fingers pushing in under the door. I don’t hate homeschooling any more, which is progress. He has even grown my desire for it, which is monumental. But it’s been hard.
Like the other day. It was about 3:30 in the afternoon and we were still not done with what I wanted us to accomplish in our school day. Key word, “I”. Mainly because I’m one person and they are three people. And I’m not a great juggler. And I’m a recovering perfectionist.
So I broke. I put people in time-out because they wouldn’t stop touching each other (“stop touching me!“). And I ran away. Well, not far. I just walked outside to take out the trash and saw the hammock and decided to hide. I cocooned myself in the hammock webbing and looked up at my God through the holes and with quiet tears I told Him, “I can’t do this, Lord. I can’t teach three kids. I can’t give them the kind of education that a school could give them.”
And you know what He said to me as quick as my next breath, “I haven’t called you to give them a school. I’ve called you to give them you.” I almost choked on the thought. And with more tears I spoke healing, confession words, blanketed in His sweet love and grace.
About seven minutes later the kids found me. And they made me smile.
“For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
“Do all to the glory of God.”
1 Corinthians 10:31
I know that not all of you homeschool. Amen. But if you’re a mom, then you’ve probably felt the pressure of “I can’t do this.” And you know what our sweet Daddy-God says in the kindest, most empowering voice, “I’ve called you to give them you.”
I often get on this soapbox, but as God’s child, He has crafted you and me — purposed us — for the life we live. I believe that with every ounce of my being. He has designed us both for the easy and the pull-your-hair-out hard. For the marriages we have (or don’t have) and the specific kids we raise (for however long He allows us raise them). Nothing enters our lives apart from His pursuing love.
The key when life gets out of whack and we want to hide in the hammock is to remember. Remember why we do what we do. Remember who we are, rooted in Whose we are. Remember that we’re lavished in the purposeful love of our God.
Last night when that movie reached the end, the main character’s husband looked at her and said, “Your job (motherhood) is…important.” I lost it. Because something in me forgets. Or maybe that truth just gets suppressed under the infinite loads of laundry.
Motherhood is important. It is. And we’re not designed to do it on our own. We have a God who is willing and ready to meet us right in the middle of the messy days…and even messier houses. He meets us right there, gently pushes back the pieces of hair covering our eyes, and says, “Just give them you.” Just give them you.
Fill me, Lord…
What inspires your motherhood these days?