Just so you know, my husband read and wholeheartedly supports this post. We’ve reached a point in our marriage where he feels more free to share his struggle and I feel more free walk with him through it.
We haven’t always been here, in this place of freedom. It’s been a long, difficult road to get to this point. But it hasn’t been purposeless. It’s been pain and beauty all wrapped together in this mosaic of transformation — both mine and his.
That said, it’s been in my spirit to write to you: the wife of he who battles with lust. Because there are some truths that we have to remember, because satan will relentlessly lie.
1 :: Temptation is not sin.
This was a huge revelation to us both. Realizing that being tempted does not equal sinful rebellion, helped my husband step out from under the weight of condemnation. And understanding the difference empowered me to lay down the gavel.
2 :: Your husband doesn’t struggle because you’re lacking in beauty.
You know it’s ultimately not about you. Right? It feels like it’s about us. The enemy lies and says things like, “If only you looked like her or spoke like her, then he wouldn’t struggle.” That’s a load of caca. (Can I say that here?)
Here’s what’s true. Whether you are big or small, voluptuous or petite, black or brown or Casper white, ultimately the choice to lust (or not) is his. Because even if we looked like one of gorgeous women to whom we’re prone to compare ourselves, there’s still going to be another beautifully different woman around the corner. So remember, he doesn’t struggle because of you, your beauty, or (what you consider) lack thereof.
3 :: We cannot change other people.
Ladies. Can we accept this already? We cannot change anyone’s heart and — here’s the real freedom slinger — it’s not our job! Changing hearts is God’s business. Our call is to reflect Him.
As Christian wives, whether our husbands obey God or not, we’re commissioned and empowered to live before them honorably. And amazingly, living faithful to God draws others to Jesus!
We cannot change our husbands. We cannot free them from the struggle with lust. But we can display the scandalous love of our Maker… regardless.
A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.
4 :: God is working 10,000 things even now.
Even through this. He hasn’t forgotten you. He sees when your soul aches. He’s tender to your every tear. And, dare I say, He’s in control.
When He called you to marry that man of yours, and you said, “for better and for worse…I do,” He made you one flesh. And in Christ He has sanctification plans — his sanctification and yours. He promises to work every single thing together for the good of those who love Him. Period.
We’re all broken and messy. We all struggle with…something. We’re all needy for a merciful Savior and desperate for grace. Remembering truth gives us strength to press on.
Fill me, Lord…
What other truths would you pass along to the wife of he who battles with lust?