Comments on: how to comfort a friend who’s walking a dark valley

By: jenabekm

jenabekm — Wed, 06 Nov 2013 20:28:00 +0000

Wow. I actually had to walk away from my computer while reading this at work to keep the tears at bay. While I’m not walking through physical grief or loss, I’m walking through a season that requires my utmost dependence on the Lord, and that in itself is hard, and can often leave me feeling raw. Your words today, on a day where my struggle is great and my fear is high, brings comfort. It’s as though God Himself is reminding me that He is near. And that He is holding me. Thank you!

By: Ashley

Ashley — Wed, 06 Nov 2013 17:38:00 +0000

“When life is raw and emotions are high, people don’t want to hear how much God loves them. Or how He’s going to use this for their good and His glory. Those are true things. Absolutely true. And there’s definitely a time and place to gently remind of that reality. But when pain is raw, we humans need space and time to grieve with our God. ” Yes!!!! This.

By: Lara Gibson Williams

Lara Gibson Williams — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 18:06:00 +0000

In reply to waldenbunch. Oh sister, what a dark season. Thank you for openly sharing. I think you nailed it when you said, "very few of my friends had any idea what to do or say so I was left to grieve alone..." We all mean well. We want to say things that bless. But often when we don't know what to say or do we shy away from any contact. And that can be equally difficult. Praying that we all have eyes to see how we can be there for those we know who are walking dark days.

By: Lara Gibson Williams

Lara Gibson Williams — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 18:02:00 +0000

In reply to BetsyD. I like when you said, "Be ready to remind them." I think that is key because it implies that we are in conversation with God waiting on Him to show us when and how to speak. Grief is absolutely real and doesn't show lack of faith. I love that when Job grieved in those early raw moments of hearing the devastating news, it says that he didn't sin. God is so gracious with us.

By: Lara Gibson Williams

Lara Gibson Williams — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 18:00:00 +0000

In reply to Jennifer Peterson. Jennifer, that image of you sitting together to watch the sunset is absolutely beautiful. Knowing we aren't alone truly is comforting.

By: Lara Gibson Williams

Lara Gibson Williams — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 17:58:00 +0000

In reply to Amber. Sweet friend. You definitely know. Really wise comment. Thanks for sharing. xoxo

By: Lara Gibson Williams

Lara Gibson Williams — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 17:57:00 +0000

In reply to amyfritz. Thanks Amy. Healing from the wounds of death is a slow process. God is faithful to comfort but it does take time. He's so gracious to remember we're "dust".

By: waldenbunch

waldenbunch — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 15:39:00 +0000

You are spot on with such words of wisdom. We adopted a sibling group of 3 in 2000 and three months later my sister died from a heart attack at the age of 53. Her then 20 year old daughter became in essence my oldest child as i walked with her through the valley of grief for many years. Our adoption was heartbreaking because the oldest sibling we adopted had been sexually abused as a child and brought it into our own home. Years later at this discovery she went to a facility for sexually abused kids and never came back home, only to make false accusations against us. We risked losing both our bio and adopted children. At the same time my parents went from their home to a nursing home unprepared and suddenly. It was such a dark time in my life. Literally years of being poured out for others. Very few of my friends had any idea what to do or say so I was left to grieve alone except for my immediate family. I started blogging to tell my story and my main goal is to encourage other women in knowing they are not alone. Regardless of their situation God is the constant source of comfort. God is in the process of redeeming the years the locusts have eaten and I’m so grateful that He is my all in all.

By: BetsyD

BetsyD — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 14:50:00 +0000

Wonderful perspective, Lara, written from a heart that has been broken in ways mine has not. Thank you. I was reminded of this too in a book I read this year that was precisely on this topic, except the author lost two young children to the same genetic disease. She uses, as you did, the example of Job throughout the book to teach believers how to understand grief and good, better, best ways of helping to comfort others. It’s called “Holding on to Hope” by Nancy Guthrie. One of the things she said that stuck with me is that we have to be careful as “outsiders” to just let our friends grieve and not to question their faith during those raw moments…be ready to remind them of truth at the appropriate time, but give them grace by understanding that grief is real and it is not an expression of a lack of faith.

By: Jennifer Peterson

Jennifer Peterson — Tue, 05 Nov 2013 13:20:00 +0000

So true!! Beautiful post!! I’ll always remember a dear friend suggesting that we sit in a field and watch the sun go down. This was during a very dark valley I was going through and grieving, he didn’t really speak, I was so numb I don’t think I could speak but just sitting there with me, knowing I wasn’t alone was the most comfort ever.