The first was with my husband. Early in our marriage I discovered he had lied/concealed something from me. I was shocked, angry, hurt, and alone. He was repentant and humble, but my feelings raged initially. I had to allow myself to feel the anger, hurt, and betrayal- but I had to keep my feelings apart from our relationship. God called me to love this man and we were bound in holy covenant two each other- two sinners, but for God’s holy grace. It took time and healing with God, but the work was between myself and God. Then I could be whole again in my relationship. If I had held a grudge against my husband and expected him to “make it right” I would have been sinning putting myself as judge over him. It was not easy, but truly it was the only choice.

The second was in my single days. Someone I had fully trusted with every aspect of my life committed a crime against me. The affects would last for decades and impact my life, my future marriage, my family, and my job. It was devastating to my life and to my heart. But I felt God calling me to forgive and He did an amazing thing. I had several sessions with my pastor, took basic legal steps to try and halt the damage- but did not take the matter to court or press charges, and I let God handle my feelings. He was able to restore in my heart a love for the person again and the ability to see them as God does- with struggles, sins, and burdens. There were also innocent children involved in the situation whom I had made promises to and owed the best I could give. I made my choices- no matter how hard- in their best interests. It has not been an easy road and there are consequences that remain and more that I’m sure will arise, but I am able to walk in freedom and grace without bitterness, revenge, or hate. My choices are not only life changing for the lives affected but also my witness to others.

It is so hard though. I have another relationship in my life where I was deeply hurt and the bitterness has lingered for years. Just when I feel like I have worked through it, the person commits the same sin again and I am remained of all the hurt and pain again. It is hard, but the work is worth it. And I have to make the choice daily to not live bitter and to never forget the depths of horrible sin from which I have been forgiven. Grace toward my enemies is the next step.