This is no longer available for free. However, click here to read more or to download an electronic copy for only $2.99 — that’s less than the cost of a fancy latte.

Today’s the day! I’m releasing my newest ebook called Life Giver. AND it will be FREE for the month of January to all of my blog subscribers.

{Insert confetti and streamers and lots of “woohoos” here.}

Life Giver is a 4-week Bible study based upon a short blog series I wrote last October. It teaches us how we as Christ-followers can be life givers in our relationships, rather than life suckers. Using the acronym L-I-F-E, this study will walk you through Scripture while discovering practical steps necessary to becoming a life giver. Because in Christ, we’ve been set free to pour life into our relationships, regardless of how messy they may be.

Features:

• 4-week Bible study
• each week organized into a 5-day study plan
• includes discussion questions useful for a small group setting
• includes free printables

 
This is an electronic study. You may want to print it out and use the space provided within the study to answer the questions. Or you may want to save printer ink and just use a journal to answer the questions. Either way, I pray it blesses.

Here’s how you can get your FREE copy!

If you are already subscribed to my blog via email then you will see a link in the footer of today’s email. Click that link and follow the instructions.

If you aren’t yet subscribed to my blog via email, but you want the free study, then you will need to do three quick things.

1. CLICK HERE to subscribe to my blog via email.
2. VERIFY YOUR EMAIL address when the verification email comes to your inbox.
3. THEN, WAIT (ever so patiently). When I post my next blog entry (probably tomorrow), you will receive that post in your inbox. The link will be in the footer of that email (and every email from “To Overflowing” for the month of January). Click that link and follow the instructions.

If you aren’t into the whole email-subscription-thing, you can purchase the study for less than the price of your favorite Starbucks. CLICK HERE if you’d rather skip the blog subscription and just purchase your copy today.
 

I’ve really enjoyed writing this study. I’ve prayed and prayed that God would lead as I typed and then that He would use it to bless. Happy Monday, friends.

 
Fill me, Lord…

This isn’t totally related but I really want to talk to you! So being that it’s the first of the year, what goals or desires has God placed in you for 2014?
 

The post my newest ebook :: FREE to subscribers appeared first on Lara Howard.

Drumroll please. Drumroll.

I’m sure you’ve been waiting on the edge of your…keyboard (?)…for this printable. Right. So here it is. The Life-Giver printable in 3 color combinations. It will be available for FREE until the end of this month, so don’t miss it. (After that you can purchase it in my “printable store“.)

And if you need to catch up on some of the series, click here to read all 6 posts.

Just enter your name and email below and the file will be sent to your email inbox. You will receive all 3 color combinations. Yay! So you can print and frame until your little heart’s content. I’m thinking about displaying this in every room of my house until it sinks into my constantly-needs-reminding-heart.

Happy Monday, friends.

[wp_eStore_free_download_squeeze_form id=5]
 

The post Life-Giver Series {PRINTABLE} appeared first on Lara Howard.

It hit me recently (again…because I’m a slow learner). As I wrestled to find the root of some bitterness in my spirit, it hit me: Every stinkin’ day I get to choose life or choose death.

When I stand before my Maker one day, I’m not going to be able to point to those who hurt or disappointed me as justification for any harbored unforgiveness or unlove. It will be me before Him — the Him who peers into my core; the Him who cannot be manipulated or coerced with tears; the Him who knows every piece of what makes me me. It will be me before Him. And I won’t be able to blame anyone for wasted time, or wasted grace.

This day I get to choose. And so do you. I can choose to pour life or I can choose to pour death into the relationships with which God has blessed me. Blessed? Yes, blessed. Choosing to pour life begins with one solid conviction: God has blessing in this relationship for me. Yep, that one too.

If you know me at all, then you know that one pillar to my existence is the firm belief that my God is sovereign. From the words of Scripture, to the words of Jesus when he walked this planet, to my personal experiences in life, God has proven that nothing can touch me as His child apart from His love. Nothing.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.
Matthew 10:29-31

That means that He allows — and dare I say “gives” — even the difficult, messy relationships to bring blessing into my life. And more often than not, the blessing He intends is the priceless blessing of me being transformed into a selfless, holy vessel of His love.

We have to start there. If we don’t begin with the conviction of God’s sovereignty over the relationships in which He has placed us, then we’ll live life in the “but only” or “what if” or “if he/she” realm. And those realms never produce life-givers. They produce naysayers.

Today we get to choose. Beginning with the character of God Himself, we can be life-givers in every relationship with which He’s graced us. And when we choose to pour life into others, we choose life for ourselves.

Choosing to let God define us frees us from unhealthy dependence on people to give us our identity. Choosing to intercede frees us from the bondage of a critical, negative spirit. Choosing to forgive breaks the chains that suffocate the gift of grace lavished on us. Choosing to encourage out of the overflow of being full of His Spirit spurs courage in us to keep running this earth terrain.

Choosing to be life-givers means we’re choosing life for ourselves. Abundant life. The life Christ died to give us.

I know relationships can be complex. I know that some wounds run really, really deep. But our God is the Healing God. He’s the redeeming God. And it’s just you and me individually before Him. His desire for us is freedom. The freedom to love unhindered because we’re so secure in His love for us.

Today we get to choose. By His gracious empowering, we can choose to pour life into the relationships in which He’s placed us. And then tomorrow, we can do it again.

 
Fill me, Lord…

Of the four steps to being a life-giver (Let God define me, Intercede, Forgive, Encourage), which do you currently want/need to focus upon? Why?
 

If you missed any of the Life-Giver series, click here to read all six posts.

And I said I would have a printable today, but alas life happened. Lord willing, I will have it posted on the blog tomorrow. Grace appreciated.

The post the blessing of *every* relationship {life-giver series} appeared first on Lara Howard.

I know me. I know how God has gifted me — how He uniquely knit me together. I know how He has blessed me. But I also know that when left to my natural tendencies I’m selfish and short-sighted. I naturally think about numero uno and how things will affect my agenda. It’s the plight of humankind.

That’s why I need constant reminding of who I am in Jesus. That’s why I run to the laundry room and shut the door and preach to myself. That’s why I turn up some Shai Linne to get my praise-dance on when things start turning south in la casa. Not sure where the Spanish is coming from today. That’s why words like these are life to my soul when I’m feeling craptacular in my homeschooling disabilities:

A recent text conversation with a friend.
(And as a disclaimer, I really am doing pretty well with homeschooling. I desperately love my children and don’t typically call them “spastic cats”. But this was a low moment — me being completely real and raw at the expense of my ego.)

We all need courage at times to stand back up and keep moving forward by faith. So when I feel like dropping my sword and licking my wounds, I’m not going to call the person who will grovel in the pit with me. When I’m low I want someone who will help pick me up. Someone who will infuse life into my soul. Someone who will stir up the Spirit of God in me.

True encouragement — or the impartation of courage — doesn’t come from building up someone’s human ego. Because remember. We’re weak and prone to wander. We can’t see past the last minute and definitely can’t control the outcome. So true encouragement doesn’t come from self-elevation.

True encouragement arises when His Spirit fills us full. When we lift our head because we remember Whose we are and what He promises. I don’t want someone to tell me how great I am. Well, that’s a lie. I love it when someone tells me I’m great. But if I’m honest with myself, I see my discrepancies. I need reminding of how great my God is. I need reminding of what He promises. I need His vision and His power stirred up within me.

True encouragement.

(They returned…) strengthening the souls of the disciples, encouraging them to continue in the faith, and saying that through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God.
Acts 14:21-22

When someone is walking into a war-zone they need to know they aren’t alone. Knowing that someone goes before and behind infuses hope and peace. And that “someone” is The Lord God Almighty!

Whatever you or I face, if we are His child, we never go at it alone. He never leaves or forsakes us. He always goes before us. He always pursues us in love. He always fights for us and for the throne of our heart. He is right. there. Right here.

If we’re going to pour life into our relationships, we first have to know our God and know who we are in Him. Then we can empower others. We can stir up courage by reminding them of true things.

Why are you cast down, O my soul,
and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.
Psalm 43:5

We all need courage to walk the roads God has for our today — some days more than others. And true courage arises when we remember what’s true. Yes, there’s a time to weep with those who weep. That same friend from the conversation above has wept bitter tears with me in my darkest days.

But then there’s a time to remind. To stir up. To impart courage to take that next step by faith, eyes set on the One who sits enthroned outside the realm of time.

Life-givers encourage the downcast with words of truth spoken boldly in faith. It’s what we do. It’s what we can do today. In fact I dare you. Triple-dog dare you. Ask God to let you see those who need courage. Then ask Him to use you to be the lifter of soul with words and prayers of truth. Then ask for His vision to see another. And another. I’ll race ya.

 
Fill me, Lord…

What truths do you need reminding of when you’re low?
How have you experienced the gift of encouragement?
 

 
If you’ve missed any other posts in the life-giver series, you can click the links below to catch up.

Introduction
Step One: Let God Define Me
Step Two: Intercede
Step Three: Forgive

I’ll be back on Friday with a conclusion and free printable. Fun times.
 

The post for when we need courage {life-giver series :: step four} appeared first on Lara Howard.

My daddy was a great man, now absent from this physical world but present with our alive God. And I pray I honor him with these words.

He grew up as a farmer’s son, in a time and place where boys didn’t cry and cows needed milking by young hands before the sun rose. And you didn’t complain about the food God provided for that day. You gave thanks and ate. You worked hard and didn’t show weakness.

Time passed. God called him to be a preacher. He married my mom. He studied Greek and wrote long, theological papers at seminary. He took a church. And then another. And then I was born. And my sweet, quiet, hardworking, brilliant daddy didn’t really know what to do with me.

(And now I see where I get my sense of style. Leather and plaid. Love.)

Behind the pulpit, he preached with amazing abandon, full of love and fire. In ministry he befriended the outcast and traveled to desolate places proclaiming our Jesus.

But with me, intimacy bewildered him. He loved me. I now know that I know that he loved me. He provided everything I could have ever physically needed, and more. He gave me gifts and I know he whispered intercessions on my behalf. But intimacy bewildered him. And as a result, he and I never made any heart connections during my growing up years. He was physically present but emotionally and spiritually absent from my life.

I later learned that it broke his heart. When he was nearing the final days of his life, he cradled me and all of my eighteen years in his lap on a blue recliner. Something we had never done — me sitting in my daddy’s lap for refuge. His body was frail and my soul was heavy. And with tears he whispered, “I’m so sorry.” I knew what he meant. He meant that he was sorry for the lack — the lack of love, touch, time, words, and affection. The lack of relationship. And we sat and cried and regretted together.

He died a couple months later. And I ran down a rebellious road with a wounded spirit for too long.

To be honest it wasn’t until recent years that I realized the depths of that pain. It wasn’t until now seasons, as I dug deep beneath some of my personal places of bitterness, that God revealed what was at my core. Deep down, I had made a vow. I had decided as a little girl that I would never let a man have my heart because I would never let a man hurt me again.

I didn’t realize that I’d made that vow with myself. I didn’t realize that a bitter root started early, digging it’s way deep into the soil of my soul. I didn’t realize that unforgiveness marked a part of me. But it did. And the results were long-term and traumatic.

God has tenderly drawn me into places of soul-healing since coming back to Him almost 15 years ago. From glory to glory He has mended and restored. But I can clearly look back and see the results of that bitterness on pre-marriage, promiscuous relationships with boys and men. And even after coming to Jesus, I’ve seen the results on my marriage relationship. Results that laid beneath the surface but colored…everything.

God doesn’t call us to protect ourselves. He doesn’t call us to guard ourselves from the hurts caused by others. He wants to be our safe place — our refuge. He promises to be our heart-protector and soul-healer when wounds come. We enter the freedom He gives in Christ when we crawl into His lap and let Him be God. We let Him be the Judge. Not us.

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.
Psalm 91:1-2

Unforgiveness cries out with a bitter voice, “I deserve better. You failed me. I’m hurt and you have to pay. And until that debt is completely gone, I will hold resentment, anger, and bitterness deep in the recesses of my soul. I will knowingly and unknowingly speak curse over you.” And the result will always and forever be bondage and cursing for us.

Unforgiveness whispers a lie that tastes sweet at first. It pets our ego and inflates our pride. Because we like thinking of ourselves as deserving. Or worthy. Or better-than. But in the end unforgiveness binds us in chains, suffocating the joy rightly intended for us as free children of God.

Unforgiveness forgets grace. It forgets the magnitude of grace that covers, redeems, and lifts us out of our own selfishness, calling us “righteous” in the sight of a perfectly holy God. And it demands retribution.

I was a little girl when my heart felt wounds of an emotionally absent daddy. I didn’t know that I was closing my heart in bitterness. In unforgiveness. But I’m not that little girl anymore. I’ve been given eyes to see my desperation for a Savior. I now know the great grace that covers me. And I’ve chosen to forgive my sweet earthly father for unknowingly wounding me. And the result is freedom.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.
Colossians 3:12-13

Forgiveness sets us free to love. It sets us free to give of ourselves without the need for others to do anything in return, because we’ve found fulness in our Lord. We see that everyone is the same — needy for a Healer and Redeemer. And when we see people through the lens of grace, unforgiveness has no place.

Today is step three in the life-giver series. Because if we’re going to pour life into our relationships we cannot harbor unforgiveness. We can’t. We must live ready to forgive. The debt has been paid with Jesus’ blood. That same grace that calls you and I “holy and blameless” beckons us to freedom. It beckons us to forgive.

So how do we forgive?

We pray. We press hard into our Lord — the Forgiver of all sin. We seek refuge in Him and trust His covering. We meditate on what He says about forgiveness. We live authentic, allowing others to walk with us down the tearful road of releasing the debt. And then we believe Him to do the heart-healing work that only He can do.

Feelings take time to line up with the willful forgiveness. But feelings eventually come. They will come. But until they do we command our soul towards freedom. Our God always and forever blesses the choice to forgive.

 
Fill me, Lord…

How have you experienced the freedom of forgiveness? Either forgiveness towards you or forgiveness you’ve given away.

 

The post how unforgiveness steals {life-giver series :: step 3} appeared first on Lara Howard.

If you’re just joining me, I’m in the midst of a short series called the Life-Giver Series”. Or the expanded title, “How to be a life-giver rather than a life-sucker in our relationships”. You can click here to read the intro to this series. And click here to read “step one” to being a life-giver. Now on to step two.

 
STEP TWO: INTERCEDE

On Monday I proposed “Step One” to being a life-giver in our relationships: Let God Define Me. And that step is absolutely crucial. In fact, if we don’t begin there and camp out there, allowing God to define us, we will easily slip into life-sucker mode — depending on people and circumstance to give us hope and peace and joy. And that mode never works. Ever. I’ve tried.

The goal is to be at the place where people and circumstance no longer hold the power over our heart stance. Yes, hard things happen. Devastating things at times. Yes, people hurt us. And yes, feelings come. And God is so tender to our humanity. He’s patient with our process. But in Christ we don’t have to continually live in the place of soul-unrest.

It takes a pressing into Him, especially when we’re tempted to doubt what He says about us and what He promises over us. But when we fill our hearts with His truths, continually communing with Him when feelings flare, we’re positioned to be life-givers even to those who try to suck the life from us. Can I get a witness?

So we begin by allowing Him to define us. Then, step two, we intercede. Did you catch the “I”? L-I-F-E. So clever, huh.

If there’s anything that comes natural, it’s to fixate upon and criticize the weaknesses in others. In fact, we as humans seem to have an uncanny ability to identify all the things that need to change in others, while downplaying or completely missing all the mess that clutters up our own heart. I think they call that self-righteousness. Blah.

I wrote about this in my book To Walk or Stay because when my husband and I went through our darkest times, it was easy for me to point fingers. All of them. But God tenderly and lovingly revealed my own messed-up heart. He showed me that I wasted so much time criticizing Adam rather than interceding for him. And as his helpmate and sister-in-Christ, intercession was, and continues to be, my call. In fact, prayer is our calling even towards our enemies!

But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.
Matthew 5:44-45

The truth is that as long as we live on this planet, people will hurt or disappoint us because they have their flesh to deal with, like we do. They will say things and do things that tempt us to feel craptacular, like we will. But in those moments we have a choice to make. We can believe what others say or we can take that emotion to God and ask for His vision.

There will be times when another person points something out in us that needs God’s tending. Even our kids unknowingly do this. And it humbly stinks when it happens. But other times people may simply be speaking out of their own hurt or need for identity. Regardless, we have choice.

We have the choice to turn criticisms into intercessions!

We can do this as a wife, mom, daughter, friend, sister, roommate, employee. The list is endless. When we stand firm in who God says we are, we’re positioned to be life-givers through intercession. And believe me, the results from intercession immeasurably outweigh the results from critical defensiveness.

So today, let’s be life-givers in our relationships by interceding on the behalf of the people around us. Ask for God’s vision of them and then stand in the gap for the heart struggles they face. I promise, it’s the way better choice.

 
Fill me, Lord…

How do you think intercession will change (or how have you seen it change) your own attitude?

The post how to be a life-giver in my relationships {step two} appeared first on Lara Howard.

 
STEP ONE: LET GOD DEFINE ME.

On Friday I introduced a new, short series that I’m writing here on the blog entitled “how to pour life into our relationships”. Or more specifically, how to be a life-giver rather than a life-sucker, which is way more fun to say.

Remember, a life-sucker sucks the life from relationships. She’s so needy for people and circumstance to define her, that she drains people dry. She subconsciously asks over and over and over and over again, “Do you think I’m pretty? Do you think I’m smart? Do you think I’m a good mom/wife/daughter/friend?” And relationships become heavy with expectation, stripped of any joy, and driven by insecurities.

We’ve all been there, living out of insecurities. We dress a certain way in efforts to hear affirmation from other humans. We criticize out of desperation to build ourselves up. We manipulate because the thought of losing the control sends us into a panic. We need someone — anyone! — to say or do certain things in order for us to sense an ounce of peace or hope. All characteristics of a life-sucker.

But people are only human, just like us. They will fail to sufficiently answer our identity questions or to meet our expectations because they’re naturally self-focused, just like us. So living our days dependent upon other volatile, emotional, short-sighted humans to define us will always leave us thirsty, because they weren’t created to quench our thirst.

Jesus came to be the water our soul craves. He came to satisfy our longings to be seen and known and heard and redeemed. He came to give us a new name, a new identity firm in Him.

God’s desire and plan for us is that we walk our days secure in what He says about us, regardless of what enters our today. To pour life into our earthly relationships rather than suck them dry, means we begin here — face-to-face with our Maker. We have to begin by knowing who we are, which flows from knowing WHOSE we are. We let Him define us. If we don’t, we’ll never find the satisfaction we crave.

Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
John 4:13-14

Two key ways that we allow Him to define us is to (1) read what He says about us and (2) stay in constant conversation with Him, especially when we’re tempted to doubt.

It sounds simplistic, but our hearts are deceptive. If we don’t stay on-guard, we quickly fall into the trap of looking to people or circumstance to give us our purpose and meaning for life. Yet God alone never changes. His declarations over us never fade.

By grace through faith in Christ He says, “My precious child, you are righteous, beloved, accepted, forgiven, and free. My beautiful daughter, you are pure, lovely, set-apart, and always on My mind. Before you lived a single day, I embroidered you.”

So, hypothetically, on Monday when our child yells from behind a slammed door “YOU’RE THE MEANEST MOMMY IN THE WORLD!”, it means we take our emotion to our Daddy-God. We ask His opinion, “Am I the meanest mommy on this planet? Do I need to confess something, Lord? What do you say about me?” And we wash our hearts with the water of His Truth. We choose to believe what He says rather than live swayed to and fro by other needy humans.

That may mean (definitely will mean) we run to the laundry room, shut the door, and preach a mini-sermon to our heart. But in the end, allowing Him to define us positions us to be life-givers.

 
Fill me, Lord…

What other things does He say about you and me? How else does He define us?
 

The post how to be a life-giver in my relationships {step one} appeared first on Lara Howard.

I spoke this week at a MOPS group — which I love to do because I get moms of preschoolers. I get that your clothes have perpetual food stains because your child has mentally concluded that your leg is a napkin. And that you don’t wear white jeans for that very reason. And that you can’t identify that smell in your minivan. I get that. I still live in that land. Anyway, I digress.

So I spoke at a MOPS group about embracing our identity in Christ. And as I prepared for that talk, God showed me that embracing who we are in Christ not only profoundly affects us personally — stirring up hope and peace and joy even through dark times. But believing what God says about us has profound implications on our relationships with others.

That’s when it came to me. We can either be life-suckers or life-givers in our relationships.

You know you want to say “life-sucker”. Go ahead.

A life-sucker sucks the life out of a relationship because she is so insecure in who she is. With her attitude and actions, she all-but-begs for affirmation. She needs life to go as she has planned and people to do what she expects in order to have even an ounce of temporary soul-rest. And when people or circumstances fail her, she spirals into hopelessness.

Nobody likes being or being with a life-sucker.

But then there’s the life-giver. Her eyes stay focused on God. She recites God’s declarations over her and promises to her. She trusts Him even when she can’t see the outcome because she knows Who’s in control. She stands secure on the character of her God, therefore she’s so full of love and grace that she can spill it out onto those around her. She pours life into her relationships because she’s so full of God.

We all like being and being with life-givers.

I’ve been (and can still be, if I’m not on-guard) a life-sucker — depending on people or circumstance to give me the abundance my soul craves. It ain’t pretty. And it always leaves me restless. But when God graces me with the chance to be a life-giver because I walk secure in what He says about me, I experience the freedom to love that He intended for us in Christ. And there’s truly nothing like it.

For freedom Christ has set us free; stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.
Galatians 5:1

Lord-willing, I’m going to spend the next four blog posts talking about four necessary aspects to being a life-giver in our relationships. And because we have so much that tries to suck life from us, I wanted the four things to be super easy to remember. Which is why I created an acronym with the word “LIFE”. Because good teachers create acronyms, right?

So stay close. And in the meantime, practice reciting what God says about you in Psalm 139. He absolutely cannot stop thinking about you, friend.

 
Fill me, Lord…

How have you experienced the life-sucker vs. life-giver in your relationships?
 

The post 4 ways we can pour life into our relationships appeared first on Lara Howard.