To Walk or Stay Archives | Lara Howard

one thought that will absolutely kill a marriage

Lara — Thu, 17 Oct 2013 10:30:54 +0000

I took a quick look at my blog stats the other day, specifically to find out what search terms people use to get here. And you know what it revealed? People are desperate for hope in their relationships, specifically their marriages.

Because let’s be honest. Marriages are straight up falling apart. Ours almost did. And as I’ve thought about why that keeps happening to marriages, specifically “Christian” marriages — beyond the whole “satan is out to destroy it” thing — I see one killer thought that lies at the core of broken, abandoned relationships. One thought that kills intimacy with, passion for, and pursuit of one another. The thought that kills, “I’m not where I’m supposed to be.”

I’m not where I’m supposed to be.

Whenever we camp out with that mindset and a carton of ice cream, we play right into the enemy’s hands. The enemy wants us to think that there’s someone else out there that will meet all our needs and make us perfectly happy. He wants us to take our eyes off of our spouse and turn them onto someone else, because he hates marriage. God designed marriage to to reflect Jesus and the church so if the enemy can get one person in the relationship to linger with the thought of another, then he gains ground.

And here I pause because I know that he has gained ground in so. many. marriages.

But what if we decide today that God really is sovereign. (Matthew 10:29) That His children aren’t at the mercy of circumstance or Satan. (Job 1) What if we decide to learn contentment with the now season of life — no matter how ridiculously painful it may be — rather than clamoring to escape. (Philippians 4:11) What if we raise our hands and trust that God really does have something that He’s doing that we cannot see or possibly even comprehend. (Isaiah 55:8) What if we decide to believe that God is bigger. (Psalm 147:3-6)

Look, I know that I know that relationships are messy and painful and hard and sacrificial and complicated and… But sanctification — that process of being transformed into a holy vessel — happens through the challenging fires of life. The times when we’re desperate for Jesus. The times when He’s all we’ve got. The times when we cling so tight to Him, even through tears saying, “I don’t know what You’re doing, but I trust You. Have Your way.” It’s then that we learn His sufficiency. And learning His sufficiency is LIFE to us.

I probably sound like I’m beating a dead horse. Which, for the record, is a disgusting image. But I’m telling you, friend, challenging relationships and messy marriages can serve as the greatest blessing to our lives. I know it sounds completely crazy — it is crazy — but the more challenging the situation, the more amazing we can see God to be. And the more amazing we see God to be, the more abundant our life truly becomes.

It’s upside down. But that’s how God does things. He almost always moves completely opposite of our natural inclinations. He does things that make no sense to our finite thinking — like loving our enemies and blessing those who hurt us? Are you kidding me? (Luke 6:27-28) But deep down, our soul craves His ways.

O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you;
my flesh faints for you,
as in a dry and weary land where there is no water…
My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food,
and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips,
when I remember you upon my bed,
and meditate on you in the watches of the night.
Psalm 63:1, 5-6

Marriage is hard, mainly because two selfish human beings are a part of it. Seriously. I’m a mess at heart. My husband is a mess at heart. Hope arises not when the other changes to line up with our expectations — even good expectations. Hope arises when we love regardless. Hope arises when we trust that God is sovereign over and has purpose even in this. When we stop trying to run and simply choose to pause with God, arms lifted in surrender to whatever cup He may have for us to drink.

It’s radical. It’s absolutely anti-cultural. But I’m pretty certain it’s Jesus-like — trusting God to lead and guide and move and provide even in the hard things. And I’m more than confident that God blesses those who seek after and rest in Him.

I’m not telling you what to do in your relationships — walk or stay. Only God can tell you what to do in that regard. But I am challenging all of us to replace that killer thought of “somewhere else” with something like, “Ok, Lord. This is where I am. So give me Your vision. Use me to love. Use me to reflect You. Use me to intercede. Use me for Your glory.”

It may be that first huge step towards radical transformation to our ever-searching souls.

Fill me, Lord…

How have you seen this kind of “killer thought” steal from your own marriage or relationships?

What could/do you think instead?

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one thing I constantly pray for my marriage

Lara — Mon, 19 Aug 2013 12:00:46 +0000

I haven’t written on marriage in a while, probably because I said so much in the book. I’m all out of words. Not really. But the ebook bundle this week is all about marriage (and sex in marriage which will get some amens from my own husband). So it reminded me that we all need reminders of what’s real and true when it comes to “two becoming one”. At least I do.

One key truth always comes to mind when I think about all God has taught me in these 11 years of “wedded bliss”. That’s called sarcasm. And yes, my husband would think it’s funny. It’s the truth God calls me back to over and over, especially when my husband and I wander around in the not-so-blissful seasons.

Love.

(A sweet gift from a friend who knows me well.)

Love.

Not Jerry McGuire, “You complete me” love. Or Janet Jackson’s, “What have you done for me lately” love. I’m talking real love. God love.

It sounds a little churchy. But it’s the bottom line: by this the world will know we’re Christ’s disciples, if we love others like He loves. (John 13:34-35)

But here’s the thing about this kind of love. We can’t give it out unless we first receive it from our God. This love flows from being secure in the sufficiency of Christ. It’s a love that’s completely beyond us and regardless of the other person. It’s a love that intercedes even if we’ve been hurt and forgives over and over. Just like Jesus.

When my husband and I walked through our darkest places, God gave me a perspective change that still helps me love (anyone) when I’m not feelin’ it. God taught me to look at my husband as my brother in Christ. He challenged me to focus not on what my husband can do for me (like Janet Jackson insisted), but to focus on how I can come alongside him as my brother to encourage and bless. And if I’m not receiving life and love from my God, that would be an impossible mission.

Looking through the lens of brotherhood tears down the walls I’m tempted to put around my heart when things are messy. And life definitely gets messy. Husbands and wives will, at times, frustrate each other. It’s the nature of humans and marriage. But I pray for God’s vision. I pray (again today) that I see souls with His eternal perspective, deeply rooted and securely standing in His love.

Fill me, Lord…

What prayer do you often pray when it comes to your marriage?

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I can’t do it :: “To Walk or Stay” Book Club, Ch. 10

Lara — Thu, 20 Jun 2013 10:30:02 +0000

Last Friday I said I would have a video for today — the last day of our book club. But alas the sand and waves have caused a time warp and I have no video to offer. Which is exactly why we should always say “Lord willing” when we promise to do anything. (James 4:13-15)

But regardless, we’re talking about chapter 10 of To Walk or Stay today and here’s the bottom line: I can’t do any of it. None of it. I can’t forgive. I can’t take my thoughts captive. I can’t release control. I can’t love unless God does it through me.

What does that mean in normal talk? It means that I constantly have mini-preaching sessions. I tell God again and again how I’m feeling — when I’m hurt, sad, bitter, frustrated. And again and again I remind myself of who God is and what He promises. The conversations typically end with me saying something like, “I can’t do it, Lord. I’m not strong enough. But You can do it through me. So use me as You will.”

The ultimate “goal” of life is intimate dependence on our Maker. It’s resting in His grace and trusting Him for strength no matter how uncertain life may look from our perspective. It’s only then that we taste the joy He has for us, regardless of circumstance.

You can’t do it. I can’t do it. But He can. He can.

My sweet friend Stacey Thacker over at 29LincolnAvenue.com is hosting our final book club discussion today.

Fill me, Lord…

How do you deal with the reality that you can’t {love, forgive, control} the people and situations around you?

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“To Walk or Stay” book club :: chapter 6 discussion {divorce}

Lara — Thu, 23 May 2013 10:30:55 +0000

We’re discussing chapter 6 from To Walk or Stay this week. It’s the one on divorce.

I wrote a disclaimer at the beginning of the chapter because I wanted to be very clear that in Christ there is no condemnation. If you have been through a divorce, you have not committed the unpardonable sin. Our God heals and restores. So the purpose of the chapter isn’t condemnation.

I wrote the chapter out of a place of wanting to understand God’s “heart” on the issue. I specifically wanted to know why He says He hates it. Because to be honest, divorce seemed like a really great option for my marriage.

Like God does, He spoke. And He showed me through His Word His intended design of marriage — His created purpose — and how divorce wasn’t part of that plan.

He designed marriage to be an evangelistic picture to the world, displaying the relationship between Christ and the church. Divorce doesn’t fit in that image. That’s why it’s so painful. He intended for it to be a one-flesh covenant unto death.

He hates divorce because it doesn’t reflect Him. Because He (thankfully!) never leaves or forsakes.

Tracie Stier-Johnson is hosting our discussion this week at her blog. And I have to tell you, I love this girl. She has walked through (and continues to walk through) a very difficult marriage journey. But she has hope and peace that never ceases to amaze me.

Listen to her heart…

(If you are having trouble viewing, click here to see Tracie Stier-Johnson’s response to Chapter 6 of “To Walk or Stay”)

Wow. Isn’t her testimony amazing? We serve a very big God who does wildly miraculous things in response to our faith.

Click here to come over to Tracie’s blog and join the discussion of chapter 6.

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“To Walk or Stay” Book Club :: Chapter 1 Discussion

Lara — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 10:30:42 +0000

It’s chapter 1 discussion day. (Excited!) But before we dive into the questions, I want to make sure you read the introduction to the book. It’s short, because I like to get straight to the point. But in it I try to convey what the book is and what it isn’t.

“The ultimate point of this book is to show you how I wrestled before my God in the midst of a devastating valley and to testify to His faithful guidance.” This book is a testimony, not a prescription.

I’m sure that there are difficult, messy, multi-faceted situations that some of you currently face. I’m not claiming to have all the answers. If anything I’m praying that this book would simply spur us to seek our God.

It’s so easy to follow after feelings, especially when they are raw and painful and vengeful. But often our emotions cloud good judgment. And we need time to process before the One who sees the beginning from the end. He promises to guide His children.

So this book isn’t a prescription. It’s a dare. “A dare to take God at His Word and a dare to allow His promises to affect the choices you make today.”

Now let’s discuss Chapter 1

I would love if each of you could answer the questions in a comment below. But I think it would also be great if you could respond to at least one other person’s comment. Let’s get discussion going. Let’s make this interactive with one another. Let’s pray for our sisters that are walking this book journey with us.

If you could take away one thing from this chapter and bury it deep in your heart, what would it be?

How can you choose to bind to the Lord in the day-to-day, regardless of your feelings?

In the digging deeper section we looked at Jeremiah 17. The last question asked, “How would you describe your own heart these days?” How did you respond?

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“To Walk or Stay” Book Club starts Monday!

Lara — Fri, 12 Apr 2013 10:00:53 +0000

The book club starts next week! Yay! I am SO excited.

Well.

Excited and slightly nauseous at the thought of sweet sisters pouring over the words God gave me in To Walk or Stay. Excited, nauseous, and yet trusting that in spite of my many imperfections, God will graciously use this book to draw each of us into some times of intimate communing with Him.

Consider this your final formal invitation (because I don’t want to pester you). I’d love for you to join us!

We will read one chapter each week and then “discuss” the end of chapter questions each Thursday on the blog. Just click here to read more and/or click here to RSVP and/or click here to join the Facebook Group.

All you need in order to participate in the club is a copy of the book…and a desire to hear from Him.

Have a great weekend!

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you have a story to tell {Plus, the giveaway WINNERS}

Lara — Mon, 25 Mar 2013 10:30:27 +0000

One of the comments I hear the most is how my “openness” or “vulnerability” blesses others. Which is a little funny to me because I don’t really know how else to be.

I mean, we’re all the same. All of us. We all struggle. We’re all selfish. We’re all sinful by nature. And we can all choose to wrestle with our really big, holy God over whatever situation, addiction, or circumstance faces us. We might as well be honest about it.

You have a story to tell. You. I don’t mean gossip or elevating sin or dragging the names of others through the mud — that wouldn’t reflect Jesus. But you do have something to say.

If you’ve walked with God through some fiery trials, then I’m certain you’ve seen His hands of protection, healing, comfort, or redemption. And someone else probably needs to hear you testify to His awesomeness.

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4

We’re all the same. We’re all just needy for divine intervention. I’m praying we each know when He wants us to let our “I’m-fine” guard down and be real. That we’d know when it’s time to testify to the God who pulls people out of the deepest of pits.

Now for the winners!

To Walk or Stay 5-Book Bundle:

Janelle Allen

Six Dayspring Necklace and Mug Sets:

Helen Gullett
Shea Rocheleau
Jessica (jesstme…)
Sarah (girlgrowsup…)
Jolene Lantz
Terrilynn (@gracechanges)

$50 to The Rusted Chain and $25 to Starbucks:

“OneGirl” (liveitout516…)

EMAIL ME at LaraGWilliams(at)gmail(dot)com with “Giveaway Winner” in the subject line for details on how to receive your prizes. YAY!

There is still plenty of time to get your book before the book club begins next month. Click here to find out more about the book club. We would love for you to join us!

Fill me, Lord…

How have others inspired you by their testifying of God?

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“To Walk or Stay” {A word from my husband and final GIVEAWAY!}

Lara — Fri, 22 Mar 2013 10:30:54 +0000

There you have it. Our marriage hasn’t been picture-perfect. But nothing in this world ever is. Except Jesus.

(No children were harmed in the taking of this picture.)

In light of the whole book release thing, I asked my husband if he had anything he would like to say here on my blog. So I wanted to share a few of his words.

From Adam:

“I like to stay behind the scenes but…

Lara’s book was an opportunity for us to be truthful and real. It’s critical for us as a body of believers to share our struggles. Otherwise we are on an island alone, and that’s where Satan loves for us to be. We wallow in our guilt. We forget about forgiveness and grace. We have no one encouraging us or holding us accountable.

But it’s vital that we drop our pride, seek fellowship with other believers, and be honest about our lives. That’s when we will see the walls come down.

If you’re struggling with an area of your life, rest assured that others are battling the exact same thing (or some variation of it). It’s alright to not be ‘fine.’ It’s normal to struggle.

I would encourage you not to stuff it, but allow God to use it as a testimony to His grace, forgiveness, and healing. Others need to know when we’ve been through the battle and come out victorious. The sorrow that we experience today may be the very thing that God uses for His glory tomorrow.”

“The sorrow that we experience today may be the very thing that God uses for His glory tomorrow.” I love that!

I said it the other day on the blog and again in that interview with Shaun Tabatt but it bears repeating. I could have never finished this project honorably had Adam not been supportive. He’s a very brave man.

Today — this last official launch day — I want to promote the book club coming up in April. It’s like a virtual small group. Or large group, depending on how you look at it.

We’re going to take ten weeks to go through the book together — one chapter each week. And each Thursday we will come together in the blog world and discuss the questions at the end of each chapter…because God didn’t make us to be islands (as Adam said above). We need each other.

Click here to RSVP

Final Giveaway :: 5-Book Bundle!

To promote this idea of authentic community, I’m giving away a book-bundle today.

One sweet woman (or man) will win 5 copies of To Walk or Stay with the hope that you will use this bundle of books to start a small group book study of your own. (Rather than sell them on eBay.)

All you have to do to enter is share this post anywhere and everywhere social media. Leave a comment for each time you share the post. {Up to 3 entries}

Get two more entries if you go ahead and buy a copy of the book for yourself. Leave two comments if you buy the book. {2 entries}

Also, the other two giveaways are still open! ($75 in giftcards and DaySpring gift set) If you haven’t entered, you may want to do that today-ish. Winners of all three giveaways will be announced on Monday!

Thank you!

I have to also say, I’ve been so blessed and humbled by your support this week. I don’t have the power to take the words in this book and make them minister to souls. But God does. So I pray He would graciously anoint, taking each sweet reader into a time of communing with Him through the pages — for His glory and our good.

The post “To Walk or Stay” {A word from my husband and final GIVEAWAY!} appeared first on Lara Howard.

Launch of “To Walk or Stay” {Video and Giveaway}

Lara — Wed, 20 Mar 2013 10:00:00 +0000

(Apparently today is audio-day.) I’m excited to share the new promo video for “To Walk or Stay.”

If you are having trouble viewing,
click here to watch “To Walk or Stay” promo video on the web.

Plus, I wanted to share an interview I recently did with Shaun Tabatt on his Author Talks podcast. It’s 18 minutes so you may want to grab a cup of coffee before you press play. But I hope it blesses you to hear my heart behind the book.

Podcast Interview with Shaun Tabatt featuring “To Walk or Stay” with Lara Williams

Now for the giveaways!

DaySpring has graciously donated 6 of these “I am His” necklace and mug gift sets for the book launch! {WooHoo!} Aren’t they beautiful?!

Click here to see the description on DaySpring’s website.

To enter, share this post on all your favorite social media outlets and leave a comment for each time you share. {Up to 3 entries}

Buy the book and get 2 more entries! Just comment twice saying, “I bought the book today!” {2 entries}

So share away. I can’t wait to bless 6 of you with this gorgeous set. Winners will be announced on Monday.

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Launch of “To Walk or Stay” {GIVEAWAY :: $75 in Giftcards}

Lara — Mon, 18 Mar 2013 10:00:01 +0000

It’s official. To Walk or Stay officially releases this week. And I honestly feel like I’ve birthed another baby. Without meds.

But I don’t want to spend time talking about this book in order to get you to look at me. That would be a complete waste. I really only want to talk about the book because God is huge. And He does crazy, wild stuff — like restore homes that the enemy tried to crush.

Click here to buy the book!

That’s what happened with us. The enemy aimed to destroy me, my husband, my hope. But God had other plans. Redemptive plans. Grace plans. The road wasn’t easy. Faith grown in the valleys never is. But the road was purposeful.

Click here to read more about To Walk or Stay.

The Giftcard Giveaways

When people have babies…or write books, we celebrate. So let’s grab a latte AND choose some bling because today I’m giving away a $25 giftcard to Starbuck’s AND a $50 giftcard to The Rusted Chain. {Insert squeals from the audience.}

Share this blog post on your favorite social media outlets (Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest) and then leave a comment below for each time you share. {Up to 3 entries}

Earn another entry by going to The Rusted Chain website and commenting below with how you would spend your giftcard. {1 entry}

And if you buy the book, you get two more entries. Just comment twice saying something profound like, “I bought the book today.” {2 entries}

One lovely lady (or…guy) will get their hands on these TWO GIFTCARDS. And we all know that giftcards rock. Giveaway ends Friday, March 22nd.

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To Walk or Stay Archives | Lara Howard

one thought that will absolutely kill a marriage

one thing I constantly pray for my marriage

I can’t do it :: “To Walk or Stay” Book Club, Ch. 10

“To Walk or Stay” book club :: chapter 6 discussion {divorce}

“To Walk or Stay” Book Club :: Chapter 1 Discussion

Now let’s discuss Chapter 1

“To Walk or Stay” Book Club starts Monday!

you have a story to tell {Plus, the giveaway WINNERS}

Now for the winners!

To Walk or Stay 5-Book Bundle:

Six Dayspring Necklace and Mug Sets:

$50 to The Rusted Chain and $25 to Starbucks:

“To Walk or Stay” {A word from my husband and final GIVEAWAY!}

Click here to RSVP

Final Giveaway :: 5-Book Bundle!

Thank you!

Launch of “To Walk or Stay” {Video and Giveaway}

Now for the giveaways!

Launch of “To Walk or Stay” {GIVEAWAY :: $75 in Giftcards}

The Giftcard Giveaways