how to be a life-giver in my relationships {step one}

 
STEP ONE: LET GOD DEFINE ME.

On Friday I introduced a new, short series that I’m writing here on the blog entitled “how to pour life into our relationships”. Or more specifically, how to be a life-giver rather than a life-sucker, which is way more fun to say.

Remember, a life-sucker sucks the life from relationships. She’s so needy for people and circumstance to define her, that she drains people dry. She subconsciously asks over and over and over and over again, “Do you think I’m pretty? Do you think I’m smart? Do you think I’m a good mom/wife/daughter/friend?” And relationships become heavy with expectation, stripped of any joy, and driven by insecurities.

 

 

We’ve all been there, living out of insecurities. We dress a certain way in efforts to hear affirmation from other humans. We criticize out of desperation to build ourselves up. We manipulate because the thought of losing the control sends us into a panic. We need someone — anyone! — to say or do certain things in order for us to sense an ounce of peace or hope. All characteristics of a life-sucker.

But people are only human, just like us. They will fail to sufficiently answer our identity questions or to meet our expectations because they’re naturally self-focused, just like us. So living our days dependent upon other volatile, emotional, short-sighted humans to define us will always leave us thirsty, because they weren’t created to quench our thirst.

Jesus came to be the water our soul craves. He came to satisfy our longings to be seen and known and heard and redeemed. He came to give us a new name, a new identity firm in Him.

God’s desire and plan for us is that we walk our days secure in what He says about us, regardless of what enters our today. To pour life into our earthly relationships rather than suck them dry, means we begin here — face-to-face with our Maker. We have to begin by knowing who we are, which flows from knowing WHOSE we are. We let Him define us. If we don’t, we’ll never find the satisfaction we crave.

 

Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I will give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
John 4:13-14

 

Two key ways that we allow Him to define us is to (1) read what He says about us and (2) stay in constant conversation with Him, especially when we’re tempted to doubt.

It sounds simplistic, but our hearts are deceptive. If we don’t stay on-guard, we quickly fall into the trap of looking to people or circumstance to give us our purpose and meaning for life. Yet God alone never changes. His declarations over us never fade.

By grace through faith in Christ He says, “My precious child, you are righteous, beloved, accepted, forgiven, and free. My beautiful daughter, you are pure, lovely, set-apart, and always on My mind. Before you lived a single day, I embroidered you.”

So, hypothetically, on Monday when our child yells from behind a slammed door “YOU’RE THE MEANEST MOMMY IN THE WORLD!”, it means we take our emotion to our Daddy-God. We ask His opinion, “Am I the meanest mommy on this planet? Do I need to confess something, Lord? What do you say about me?” And we wash our hearts with the water of His Truth. We choose to believe what He says rather than live swayed to and fro by other needy humans.

That may mean (definitely will mean) we run to the laundry room, shut the door, and preach a mini-sermon to our heart. But in the end, allowing Him to define us positions us to be life-givers.

 
Fill me, Lord…

What other things does He say about you and me? How else does He define us?