OK, so “hate” is a strong word. And I don’t typically rant, but…
As most of you know, I’m a new homeschooling mom. {Insert stereotypes here.} And if there’s anything I’ve learned in these last six months, it’s that there’s one response from people — after they find out that I homeschool — that causes me pause. Hence the word “hate”.
The conversation typically goes something like, “Oh your kids are so cute. What school do they go to?” And I say (almost apologetically and with slight hesitation because I was a non-homeschooling mom for long enough to know the judgments), “Well…we actually homeschool.” It’s in this moment that — if they don’t homeschool — their face typically does one of two things. Not always, but typically.
It either drops, as if utterly sorrowful for the state of my children who will be deprived of social interaction and cultural-acceptance. Or their face has the deer in headlights, wide-eyed, horrified look, confounded that anyone would actually choose such a path. Either way the thing that comes out of their mouth is more often than not the exact same statement. The same statement I used to say to homeschool moms.
“Oh I could N E V E R homeschool.”
This is the statement gets me. Why?
Because it either means that the person thinks I have some angelic tolerance for whining or extreme levels of patience or that I actually enjoy being with my children 24-7 without any breaks and that I probably sing kumbaya around the breakfast table upon which I serve homemade quiche and fresh squeezed orange juice. None of which is correct.
Or if they don’t imply any of that, then they subconsciously imply that my choice to homeschool is archaic and deprives our poor children of something that traditionally schooled children receive. Either way, I’ve prayed about how to rightly respond when faced with the “I could never” statement.
Because I don’t have an angelic tolerance for whining. I am not always patient. I holler at my kids and have piles of stuff taking up space on countertops that make me crazy. I need regular breaks from my children to regain perspective. And they typically eat cold cereal for breakfast. So for the record, I’m not homeschooling because I have some ability that non-homeschooling moms don’t have.
I mean imagine if you told me that your kids go to public school and I responded with fear and trembling, “I could NEVER send my kids to public school.” Or what if you told me that your family is moving to Africa to serve Jesus at an AIDS orphanage and I said, “I could NEVER move my family to Africa!” Or, “I could NEVER stay in that kind of marriage!” Or, “I could NEVER forgive that kind of wrong!” Or, “I could NEVER work with those kind of people!”
Well, you could if God called and empowered you to do it!
c a l l e d
and
e m p o w e r e d
I used to say the same thing to all my homeschooling friends. And then you know what happened? God led us to homeschool. God led. And it wasn’t because I have some ability. If anything it’s because I don’t. If anything it’s because I’m lacking in patience and selflessness so I need extra intervention.
It goes back to that “church, don’t judge” thing. I don’t want to be some judgmental homeschooler who implies that any other schooling choice is of the devil. Because it’s not. But I also don’t like being defined as some holy-roller who must have it all together since I homeschool. Because I don’t.
If we could only learn to say with a sincere smile — because we actually believe it — something like, “What a journey. I know God has great purpose in where He has you. What’s He been teaching you lately?”
We’re each on our own adventure with Him. And He says to each of us “receive”. Receive the plans He has for our days. That may mean homeschooling but it may mean not homeschooling — may homeschoolers remember this. It may mean Africa or it may mean North Carolina. Whatever it means — from schooling to marriage to…disease — you and I can walk it out in the power of His Spirit.
I can do A L L through C H R I S T
who s t r e n g t h e n s me.
Philippians 4:13
Don’t leave this post feeling all guilty if you’ve said the “never statement” to someone. We’ve all said it about something. I’ve said it. But maybe from this day forward we can decide to respond differently to the roads God has for those around us. Maybe from this day forward we can begin with God instead of our weaknesses and simply say, “What a journey He has you on! Tell me more so I can pray for you.”
I’ll probably still hesitate when someone asks where my kids go to school. And this afternoon when I’m in the grocery store someone will probably still say, “I could NEVER do that.” So I’ll just respond with grace and love, “Neither can I.”
{ This concludes my slight rant. }
Fill me, Lord…
What have you said “I could NEVER…” about only to find God called you to walk that exact road?
“…. get married” HA! Been married for almost 22 years and God is still leading and laughing at me!
I’m regularly faced with a standard reaction (that has nothing to do with homeschooling) from people regarding a certain life choice. I have a response waiting for the next poor soul to dish it out, and I have to say – it is not nearly as spirit-led as your suggested response. lol
Thanks for your honesty. I think it’s a much-needed reminder that God loves His church collectively and individually…and he uses the sum of our individual lives and callings for his glory!
And finally, in the words of a very wise woman, “Church, don’t judge.” It doesn’t look good on ya….
Ahh yes, collectively and individually and the beautiful sum reflecting Him. You’re a sweet one, Sarah.
Wonderful words and so true! I marvel at how God is using you and Em and so many others to “train up” these sweet children (ok, I know they are not always sweet – but to me, nana, they are!). I have seen firsthand that empowering and it is AWESOME! Thank you for your heart-sharing!
I wrote about this very thing last week! And I also used the word “hate” hahah! God is working in our hearts, woman. Here was the turning point for me: http://www.mywalkwitheden.com/2013/11/the-day-i-stopped-hating-homeschooling.html
I just love you, Christie. Your sweet face and wise words always make me smile.
Lara, yes, I so agree. My daughter does foster care and we receive the similar statement. ” Oh, I could not do that, how do you give them back, you are not married how can you do that? ” #1 yes, you could and #2 they are not ours to keep. #3. You don’t have to be married to do the right thing.
What an amazing journey He has her on! 😉
I could have written this post 🙂 We just began hs’ing last year, when my daughter was in 4th. I too say “Well… actually…” lol, bc I have been on the other side and cringe as I wait for the “I never!” statement that inevitably comes… that I said myself 4 years ago as we considered (verrrry briefly) hs’ing when my daughter was of kindergarten age. Love how God writes our stories. And never abandons us as we “eat” our words down the road. 🙂
I, too, said “I could never do that” about homeschooling and then I felt lead to homeschool my three children which ended up being five children in five different grades when my niece and nephew became “ours”. Eleven years later I’ve heard it all. Some say “good for you”. Many times I’ve wanted to quit for many reasons. But every time I go back to why I homeschool: Because God told me to”. And until He tells me to do stop homeschooling, I keep doing it–Called and Empowered. Love that. Thanks for sharing. Here’s where I shared “Why I Homeschool”: http://www.blueskyobedience.com/2012/04/11/why-i-home-school/
Beautifully written, spot on post! After 19 years you’d think I had the perfect response handy, but I don’t. I linked you on my fb page today. Blessings!
I had to laugh when I read your question about saying “I could never…” God seems to have this way of taking those things I’ve said “I could never” about and now I’m doing those exact things. For example, I would never live in the city I’m now living in, and I would never be married to the cigarette-smoking trucker that I’m currently married to, and yet, here I am. I’m learning not to say that “I could never” line just because I have no idea if I really will never or not.
I wrote a schooling post last week and then had to duck and run as the torrent of comments came in. But at the end of the day, we should all be encouraging each other in our schooling choices, not making one another feel like guilty moms–as if there isn’t enough of that! I think we should be glad that our God empowers us to handle our kids in the first place, right!? 🙂
I absolutely loved your post. It’s so sad that any of us as believers have to feel like we need to defend our choices on things like schooling to one another. It is so much more “life-giving” when we rejoice in the ways God uses His body in this world — uniquely and purposefully. Much love to you, friend.
So, I have been meaning to write this to you ever since you first posted that you were homeschooling.
I ALWAYS wanted to homeschool. Our son was 7 when I had the hubby convinced to homeschool, and then I was diagnosed with breast cancer. And so the hubs said no way. I so wished I had pushed harder. But I didn’t and the rest, as they say is history. I can recite hours of the bad experiences we had at the pricey private Christian school and even more from the 4 years of public school.
But I trust that God is sovereign over my mistakes and wish-I-hads…..and HE is working His will and His way in my son’s life whether he was home schooled or not. But it is still one of the deepest regrets of my parenthood. And now we are at college, and so that time is past us forever.
So, my sweet, Jesus loving friend, just take it one day at a time, live in the moment, remember when it stinks that this too shall pass, and all too fast. I love your Jesus loving heart and that heart will come through to these kids even on the days when you think that all that they see is Satan’s minion. I promise, Because HE IS sovereign. Grace and peace.
Totally grinning over here.
My comment, when someone tells me that they are homeschooling, is, “Wow … that’s great!”. My daughter was learning disabled and was home schooled for awhile. A wonderful experience for both her and us (I even learned some things that were not taught to me in grade school 🙂 ). I have two grand children who are special needs kids and have been home schooled for their entire young lives (now 15 & 13 years old). Yes … home schooling is difficult, but ultimately so rewarding. My prayers are with you cuz.
I say all the time that I could NEVER stay single forever… oh Lord, please do not let that be true! HAHA!
I think most folks just mean they don’t feel equipped to do the homeschool path and they can’t even imagine a time they could feel equipped…and they are overwhelmed when they first think about it.