I guess I want people to say “fine” when I ask “how are you?” I mean, really. The question flies out of my mouth on Sunday mornings like I’m paid to say it. But sometimes, I’m not “fine.” And neither are you. And it’s on those days when saying “fine” feels all wrong.
Church should be the place where we go when we’re all messy and needy. Not the place to simply show off our new killer boots — though I like new killer boots. Church should be the most authentic gathering on the planet. I’m thinking that’s what God intended. That we could feel free to say “I’m not good. I’m really not good. But God is, so I press on.”
Abiding in God means the refiner’s fire and His faithful, painful pruning. (1 Peter 1:6-7) It’s ok if we sometimes aren’t “fine” in that process. But it’s even better if we let others into our “not fine” to pray for and with us, encouraging us to press on in faith.
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears
and delivers them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:17-18
Yesterday was one of those days for me. So before church I decided that when someone smiled and asked “how are you?” I would say, “Desperately dependent on God. How are you?”
Sadly, “fine” still came out of my mouth more than once.
Fill me, Lord…
How will you answer the “how are you” question today?
For those memorizing the Sermon on the Mount, we are almost done with chapter 6! Keep at it, friends. Hide His Word that we might be spurred on to faith regardless of our circumstance.
{Week 30}
For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.
Matthew 6:32-33
I love your realness. It often makes me feel braver to be more real! Love you and your work! Just said a quick prayer for any “not fine” thing in your life!
Thank you, Jen. 🙂
Lara, I love your authenticity. Truly. Praying that you are finding shelter in the shadow of his wings.
He is so faithful. So good. So real. Praying for you as well today, sister.
Beautiful Lara, thank you for this beautiful post. I have the hardest time not letting that little “fine” slip out of my lips. Thanks for the reminder to be courageous when we are not fine.
How many times have I asked that question”How are you?” and the person responds ‘fine” but it is obvious they are not fine–yet–how much easier to not press them and say”you dont seem fine–is there anything I can do to help?” just easier to say”great” and walk away.
I know what you mean. I think we are so “busy” doing that often we miss the opportunity to make an eternal impact even with a simple, “Really. How are you?” Praying we live authentic lives. Blessings, friend.
I am one of those people who is honest. Pediatric cancer and death will do that to you. But it can be hard because so many people can’t handle your response and then you have to minister to them in the midst. It’s hard to be the person who makes people uncomfortable, but that’s who Jesus was, too. And isn’t that who we are striving to emulate?
Authenticity is the only way for true Christians to live. We do so much to discredit our witness and minimize our God when we paint our daily lives and our Christian walk with worldly packaging.
I knew you weren’t fine yesterday. Been lifting you up ever since. Love you, sister. And if it makes you feel less alone, I’m not “fine most days and am happy to share what God is doing in this mess we call life.
You know, it’s funny. The more I’ve pondered this this morning, the more I think that we as believers should rarely be “fine.” I mean, God makes it clear that there will be suffering in the lives of those who name Christ “Lord.” Maybe we just need to think of a different greeting. (ha.)
I hate that question, “How are you?” for this same simple reason, I feel like I’m lying if I tell them “fine”, but how many people who ask the question really want to hear the truth? Thanks for the encouragement to be authentic, even when it’s tough.
We were just talking about this last night around our Sunday night campfire — and here you are… Amen to what’s real!
You have no idea how appropriate this is to what happened at our church yesterday. A staff member “confessed” how he was “not fine” in resigning due to some financial mishandling. It was such a sad day, with part of his statement being we feel we have to be perfect in church ministry and there is no one to really go to when we are not. Many times we “the church” look at those that aren’t “fine” as having a spiritual problem, because wouldn’t everything be great if we were just right with God? I know it is something most everyone one left pondering yesterday and hopefully God will teach us all to be compassionate, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as He has shown forgiveness to each of us. We tend to give the pat response “I’ll pray for you”, but do we really? do we let that person know if we really are. So much to ponder and learn from His word!
Today? I’m thankful for grace.
I love the message in this post. The surface answers we give in most circumstances are a real struggle for me. I try to be more real with people (when appropriate) but often begin to feel like people aren’t really interested in real answers. I like the simple and grace-filled way you worded your answer. Lovely.
Hi Lara!
WOW! You slammed dunked this topic of “not being fine” and being really honest about it with others. So TRUE and I pray I continue to become more honest about
not being fine as GOD grows me into HIS likeness. God Bless You and keep bringing it on…as God leads you to. 😉
Lara; Thank you for your honesty in sharing this post. I can relate to this so much and it is true that most of the time others want to hear “fine” when they ask and some even run as hard as possible in the opposite direction when you say “I’m not doing so good today, it’s been a hard week”. I am a 56 year old grandma who is presently caring for my 3 grandchildren (ages 9 mos.; 2 1/2 years and 4 1/2 years) each day. My daughter, their mother, is very sick and has been bedridden since the youngest was 2 months old. I am caring for these children’s physical, emotional and spiritual needs most of the time as well as 2 households and cooking meals for us all. My son-in-law works in the trades and works long days. I am struggling with being both a grandma and parent to these children and with maintaining the boundaries between our 2 families at the same time. There are days when I just want to run away from it all and not care any more but I know that this would not please God so I stay and continue to “scatter myself” and “die to self daily” confessing my lack of faith and belief as well as a lack of trust in a sovereign and all merciful and all loving God “whose steadfast love never ceases and whose mercies never end, they are new every morning”. It is a fight and battle each moment of each day. It is hard to watch my daughter suffering so and see no end in sight. I feel ill prepared and equipped for this major responsibility but there is no one else to step in and do it right now. My church is trying to continue to support us in lots of ways but many times when something doesn’t change very quickly and maybe even gets worse, they grow weary too. Truly, there is joy in my days, they are not all toil, my grandchildren are beautiful and sweet. It is a hard road that God has called me to be on right now and I do pray that it is a season only – He only knows how long it will last. I try to imitate David, the psalmist, who poured out his woes to God and then put his “but” in the right place by saying something like “I know that my God can deal with this all and work it all out in the best way”. My grandchildren sing the song “My God is so big, so great and so mighty, there’s nothing my God can not do for you” and I too sing it as it says a lot. Thanks for listening and sorry for the long comment. Blessings, Debbie
I really appreciate this post. I think I struggle with letting others know I’m not fine because it seems to make them uncomfortable (like they are waiting for me to say “good!” with a big smile, per usual). One Sunday, I just couldn’t fake the smile so I answered honestly a few times (imagine that! :-)) and the gals didn’t know what to say or how to respond. I know that shouldn’t keep me from being willing to be transparent, but I fear it does.
To everyone. I wish I could stand before you so you could see my face, my emotions, my passion, my guestures. I work at a mental health hospital in the middle of the night. I have some acquaintance with soul pain. I believe, with all that is within me, that there…is…hope. No wand waving needed. Christ IS hope. Even when you don’t feel his presence or even feel like you can acknowledge or even believe he is hope, HE IS. For those of you who took the time to respond with your cares and concerns, my heart aches for you. I wish I could share my faith that Christ is hope with you individually. I know this about him…every morning, in the wee hours, I see people who are broken, on the verge of taking their own lives and I hope for them and God spares their life for one more day (as I requested) so they can hear the gospel and experience God’s love. I hope for you. In my kitchen, I have pasted a little note all over every cupboard (because I need hope, too)…God restores my soul (Ps. 23:3). If you don’t have enough in you to hope right now, I will hope for you. I may not know much about God, but this one thing I do. He cares…always…and He is hope. Peace to you all.