aligning our self-image to our true identity

Being a speaker, I always need illustrations for the messages God gives me because illustrations help the message come alive. And though I’m sure there are entire websites devoted to such things like speaker-illustrations, God alllllways seems to provide very tangible, real-life illustrations for me. Thank you, Jesus. Sorta.

Like yesterday.

A local MOPS group asked me to speak to their ladies on self-image. And I was excited because The Lord had given me a word of encouragement for these moms which included what I thought was plenty of real-life illustrations.

 

 

I began with a distinction between “self-image” and “identity” — self-image meaning “how we see ourselves” and identity meaning “who we truly are”.

Then I talked about our identity apart from Christ (dead, enemies of God, following our flesh passions) compared to our identity in Christ (alive, under grace, pursued, complete, known, secure, loved, righteous, holy). And I mentioned how our identity doesn’t depend on how we feel or what we do. It’s just who we are before a holy God. It’s who we are in light of Jesus. (see Ephesians 2:1-10)

Then I talked about how the real victory to our soul comes as we align our self-image with our true identity. Because when we see ourselves as we truly are we experience the confidence and peace that we crave. But things distract us on a daily basis into misalignment. Things like:

 

1. Comparison :: that whole “er” complex — comparing ourselves with others in every possible way (physically, spiritually, financially) when all the while God calls us His workmanship with specific plans that only we can accomplish.

 

2. Control :: this misalignment happens when we look at how well the people around us live up to our expectations. If it seems that we are in control then we find brief rest of soul. But if it seems that people and situations are out of our control, then we slip into identity-crisis-mode. But here’s the news flash: you and I are not in control. And it’s not our job to fix people or manipulate situations to appease our seeming-need for control.

 

3. Criticisms :: this misalignment between self-image and identity occurs when we become aware all our failures — either because we see it or someone else points it out. Then we move into identity crisis mode because we don’t feel or look like God declares of us — holy, righteous, accepted. But that’s the thing about God’s grace. It has nothing to do with us!

 

That’s about when it happened. The real-life illustration. My three homeschooled children were (supposed to be) sitting in the next room quietly and faithfully doing their school work. But shortly after I said to the group of ladies something like “people are not ours to control” and “we cannot gain our self-image from how our kids behave,” we were interrupted with the loud sound of shattering glass from the next room. Yes.

I paused. I asked if that sounded like glass. The group leader went next door to check on my three precious people. And yes. Something — namely the probably-expensive, huge, specialized, videography bulb — had shattered into a bazillion pieces all over the floor. And I took a deep breath, reiterated my point about not gaining our self-image from how our children behave, and then finished my talk.

“Before I have a conference with my three, dear little children, I want to leave you with three final points on how we align our self-image to our true identity.” Then I shared these three things based upon 1 Peter 3:3-4.

 

1. Turn our attention to our inner woman. Rather than focusing our lives first and foremost upon things that fade or sag or wrinkle, we can turn our attention to the state of our soul.

 

2. Take our thoughts captive to truth. One of the greatest victories in life is learning how to fight the battle of the mind. And in Christ, we can overcome.

 

3. Trust what God says about Himself and about us as His children. Looking at life and moments through the lens of what God says in His word.

 

Every word of God proves true;
he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.
Proverbs 30:5

 

After my talk I slipped out to have that “conference” with my kids. And I got a glimpse into the future when my children will inevitably make mistakes and I will inevitably be in the background tempted to wonder what people think of my parenting skills. Tempted to gain my identity in how my kids live out what they’ve been taught.

And just like that I had my real-life illustration. My real-life test. And by God’s grace, He guided my frustrated heart back to what He says about me.

And for the record, if you invite me to come speak, I most likely will not bring my children.

 
Fill me, Lord…

Which identity “distraction” have you most struggled against — comparison, control, or criticism?
How do you align your self-image to your identity when distractions come?