Twelve years ago today my husband and I were about two days into our wedded bliss — sipping froo-froo drinks on the beach while listening to a hotel band of retired men in Hawaiian shirts play Caribbean music. Ahhh. Actually, we fought on our honeymoon. No joke. With the ink still fresh on our marriage license, both of us wondered if we made a huge mistake by vowing our lives together.
Mainly because we’re both selfish. Like really selfish. We both had expectations that served to do nothing but push the other away. We both had “baggage” — the heavy, mismatched, 1970’s floral baggage — that weighed us down.
So, little did we know, it would be a bumpy ride. Because when you pray something like, “God, glorify Yourself through our marriage,” and you really mean it,…well…He will glorify Himself. But that means He has to chisel away all the heart-wreckage in order for His glory to shine through — a painful, beautiful process.
The other night my husband and I went out to celebrate. For real, celebrate. In fact, it was the first year we didn’t give each other a card that said something like, “I know this has been a rough year but God is working.” Romantic, huh. Instead, we just celebrated.
I asked him on our way to dinner, “If we had known all the mess that we would walk through as a couple, do you think we would have still married?” Without hesitation we both agreed, “heck no!” But looking at what has grown from the ground of our lives together — our individual faith, our family, our understanding of true love — neither one of us would trade it.
“Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.”
Romans 13:8
Because of the nature of our marriage journey, and our belief that God has called us to be open about our struggles, we hear a lot of stories. We see a lot of marital carnage. We find ourselves praying for a lot of homes.
So I asked God what I could say in this space in celebration of the story God is writing through our own relationship — what I could say to couples who want to shred any evidence of their vows. And you know what I heard in my spirit, “God is good. Remind them that God is good, even right now.”
Looking back over this past decade, there have been times when I have doubted the goodness of God. Times when I looked at our situation and said, “Lord Jesus, if you’re good then why does this keep happening?!” And every time He took me back to a truth that kept my feet firm in the ground of our home. Every time He challenged me to begin with the truth of His character rather than the mess of our situation, “God is good. And God is love. And for reasons I may never know, this is part of the good journey He has for me. For us.”
We get the purpose of life so twisted because our heart shouts convincing things that oppose God’s economy. Our heart says stuff like, “Serve me. Love me. Die for me.” But God says to live we have to die. To be great we have to become small. To find freedom we have to become a bondservant. True love blesses those who revile us. It’s twisted.
As a child of God, His purpose in our lives is to make us holy, because we’re created to find fulness of life in our holy God. But that journey to holiness means a shedding of self. And self puts up a good, mean fight.
It may not feel like it right now. But God is good. Forever and always. He’s actively fighting for your heart’s throne. And one day we’ll look back from the perspective of eternity and realize that the words really were true, “For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.” (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)
Your situation may not feel good right now. It may not even be “good” in the way we’re prone to define good. But God is good. And He is doing good, holy things out of His relentless, pursuing, eternal love for you. May we camp out with that truth, come what may.
Fill me, Lord…
What would you say to encourage — to impart courage to — someone in a difficult situation?
Amen. And happy anniversary. And thanks for your ministry.
Thanks, friend. 🙂
Hey. Nice post! I love you.
I love you too, babe. 😉
If I had time, I’d just send them here. Words can seem so fleeting sometimes, but you put them together in a way that tells the truth and shares a part of yourself in the midst of it that makes encouragement the only reasonable response. Thank you for that!
Thank you, sweet sister. I miss you.
During difficulties, I have a hard time remembering that Satan is the enemy, not the someone else. It doesn’t matter what relationship (marriage, parenting, friendship, work, etc.). Bad will happen in this world, but I am not alone and Satan WILL be defeated if I let God fight for me.
I enjoyed this post and Happy Anniversary.
Be blessed 🙂
So so true. The enemy has been defeated. Praying that in the midst of life, we remember.
It’s a pleasure to know you and to enjoy your ministry. I love you, friend! And HAPPY ANNY!
🙂 Thank you!
Happy Anniversary! Loved your book. Love your ministry. Love all you do! For God’s glory 🙂
Thank you, Edith. I don’t love all I do but I love all God does in spite of me. Ha. Praying our God’s tender blessing over you.
Thank you for sharing 🙂 It’s crazy how much the world does oppose God’s economy, and as I entered marriage I saw it even more with submission, male and female roles, motherhood, etc. Thankful to have his word to guide us. i think the biggest thing that I’ve recently realized is we have to go back to the beginning and understand God’s design, and not try and understand it from our own feelings or someone else’s experiences.
Thanks again 🙂
Oh girl, so very thankful for His word. What a gift. Praying we stand on His truth regardless of how we feel. Bless you, sister.
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