I’m not typically a fearful person. God broke a lot of that from me about nine years ago when all the lights went out and I screamed “Jesus!” as loud as I could. But that’s another story. Now, I’m not typically a fearful person. But fear came down heavy on me yesterday.
My kids were with my mom. And she had planned to have them back by 3:30 so she could get to work on time. But it was almost 4:00. And it was sleeting. And she’s not usually late when she has to go to work. And she wasn’t answering her phone. And in seconds, my mind freaked out with fear.
I tried to call my husband to see if he had heard of any wrecks. But he didn’t answer. I tried to call my stepdad to see if he had heard from my mom. But he didn’t answer. And did I mention that I tried to call my mom…four times…but she didn’t answer?
That’s when I thought of Job. And how he lost all his kids at once. And I said to God, “Please. No. Lord. Don’t let me be a Job.” I prayed and stood at the window. And prayed some more. The clock moves slow when fear’s involved.
And then I whispered the bottom line, “Lord. Even if. Even if the worst thing possible has happened. You are still God. You are still good. Nothing catches you off guard. You will only allow into my life what is for my good and your glory. The thoughts take my breath away, but I trust you.”
That’s about when my mom called.
Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.
Matthew 10:29-31
It’s amazing how quick our minds can go from laughing with our sister about the “Boston Butt” sign in the window of the grocery store (I’m twelve) to fearful that our kids and mom have been killed in a wreck.
But when fear comes, there’s only one place to go. To Him.
I’m thankful I didn’t have to walk through that kind of devastation yesterday. But I know that in this life none of us are exempt from suffering. And I also know that some of you are living your deepest fears right now.
I pray that whether our fears are imagined or real-life, we’d take them to Him. I pray we’d wash them over with the truth of His character. Because He hasn’t given us a spirit of fear. He’s given us a spirit of power and love and a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:6-7)
Fill me, Lord…
What fears have you wrestled against lately?
What truths can you remember to combat those fears?
You are right that I’m wrestling with fear right now. It’s not my “greatest fear” but it’s fear none the less. It’s fear of being on my own after being married for 30 years. I’m not sure I gave any answers yet…… But will be anxiously awaiting to see what others write.
Fears are real. And they affect our emotions and perspectives. But we know from the Word that God does not want us to *live* in fear. Stuff will happen and fears will surface. But trusting God to be faithful, even if we have to walk through some valleys, helps those fears to subside. It doesn’t mean it will be easy. But I truly believe that He, by His Spirit within us, wants to empower us to live free from the stronghold of fear. Praying that you seek Him for wisdom as you take one step at a time through this difficult season.
That same Job fear tries to squish me almost daily. I really struggle with it. What do you do when you know God loves you and loves your kids but God does allow these devastations to happen sometimes. I know He is sovereign but I have a hard time breaking out of the fear.
Kimberly, it can be so hard to break out of the fear patterns. I truly believe it comes down to taking our thoughts captive to truth. Asking God to reveal when our thoughts are fear based. Speaking that fear out-loud. And then preaching His truth to our soul to combat each fear thought. Depending on the fear, it may be a constant battle at first. But God fights for us. He sees the beginning from the end. And He meets us even when we’re curled up in a ball paralyzed with fear. Praying for you as you run this faith race today.
I’m so happy they were OK. Our God is so good. He never wants death and destruction in our lives. So happy everything worked out fine. You have beautiful children.
I wrestle with many fears. My husband suffers from depression and now with the news of Pastor Warrens son I fear losing my husband even more than I did previously. It’s horrible to feel because when I’m angry at him about something that fear takes hold of me and I think this could trigger him. He has never displayed signs of being suicidal but do you truly see signs before this happens? I don’t know I do take my thoughts to The Lord while I try to convince God in my prayers that should that happen it would definitely be much more than I could bare.
Markeitha, I am so sorry. Fears are very real and can have paralyzing effects on our minds and bodies. I don’t understand why God allows what He does, but like you, I truly believe that He’s good. And that He knows best, even when we have to walk through dark valleys. I pray with you that you would be empowered to take your thoughts captive to truth. That you would see the fears from afar and one by one take them to Him, allowing His truth to transform your mind. Praying and trusting that God is with you and your husband — guiding, protecting, loving, and working.
I know it’s a few days past this post now, but wanted to recommend the book (and study) “Calm My Anxious Heart” by Linda Dillion to any of your readers who struggle with fear, anxiety or worry (all different btw), it was life changing for me and the gals I read through it with!
I remember “losing” my young daughter at Sears once (she was actually hiding in a clothing rack, playing a “game” with Mommy) and the absolute terror that gripped me instantly. Adreneline surging, heart pumping fear! That same precious child had a rough time in middle school. She walked off the school campus one day, decided to “run away”, to get some time to think, and no one knew where she was for 5 very long hours. (I cleaned my entire house while waiting for word! LOL)
Then, months later, we found out she had a mood disorder and had started cutting. There was a period of time when I would pray each morning, not knowing if I would find her alive when I went to wake her up, praying God would give me the strength I needed, especially if she wasn’t there or was dead! He did and has continued to, as life with her is always unpredictable (she is grown now and has moved across the State) and she/we did survive 3 suicide attempts during the 6 years (so far) of this trial. She is gifted in many ways, and a delight to be around other times. I know He has numbered her days, nothing I do (no amount of worry, striving or scheming) will change those. I rest on Psalm 139 and many other promises in His word. So I try to pray HIS will, not mine be done, and trust in his timing and in HIS good plan to give her a hope and a future.
I hope Markietha that you can do that too. I know it’s so trying and tiresome (wearying) to live with and love someone who struggles so! Maybe the good that will come out of the Warren’s horrible tragedy is that the stigma of mental illness might be lifted a bit and people will talk more openly about the topic. Maybe it will allow those who feel alone to get support and those who need help to get it.
I should mention that in the midst of our trying times with our daughter, her older brother abruptly decided to take a break from college and join the Military. We lost my husband’s only and younger brother during his time of service, at age 22, so you can imagine the agonizing fears that I had after that announcement! Our oldest son spent 4 years of honorable service to his country, and I spent many hours on my knees! In that time, he chose to go from Reserves to Active Duty; from a Medical Corpsman bound for a ship, to one bound to accompany Marines in the front lines; then changed direction again, into BUDS training to become a Navy SEAL. Believe me, I have wrestled with worry and battled with all the “what if'” thoughts, as have many do who love men in that secretive, elite and small community. He almost drowned during training once, I didn’t find out until 2 days later!
I can’t emphasize enough how important our prayers are for those we love, how crucial it is to put a hedge of protection around them!! Otherwise, we really have no control, that is an illusion. We have to hold our children with an open palm, and not a closed fist. They are His and He is always with them when we cannot be. He is all knowing, all powerful, we CAN rest in that. My son got very physically ill and was unable to test out and finish his training. He was devastated, discouraged and depressed. God met him there and helped prepare him for what was next, while we prayed and encouraged from thousands of miles away.
He got out last year, went back to college (on the GI bill) and immediately started training to become a corrections officer in a Maximum State prison! Those hardened criminals would kill you in an eye blink if they had the chance. If that wasn’t enough to turn his mother’s hair gray, my son is now pursuing being trained at a tactical academy to be part of a special team that gets called in when things go bad. He’ll never be happy unless he’s doing something adventurous, dangerous and fulfilling, preferably with a gun strapped to his hip! Oye. Still, I am no longer stressed out over these two amazing oldest kids of mine. God has used these experiences for my growth and theirs, to learn more about His character and shape mine/theirs. I’d endure it all over again for that gift alone. His peace really does pass ALL understanding!
The enemy would like to paralyze us and weigh us down as believers. He’d gleefully render us ineffective for the kingdom due to all the many “what if’s” he can bring to our minds, and all the whispered lies. I LOVED your whispered affirmations of truth and trust Lara, that’s exactly what we must do; take each thought captive, speak to only the verifiable facts at the moment, rebuke the enemy, and give it all to our Lord and Savior. Jesus said in this world we will have trials, trouble and tribulations, but HE has overcome the world! We must vow in such times to keep moving forward in His peace, knowing without doubt, that He is Sovereign in everything, BIG enough (we put God in too small a box sometimes!) and able to enough to handle whatever comes our way, whatever concerns us, whatever the circumstances we face. God is so good. Great is His faithfulness. In Him and through Him we can persevere and have victory over worry, anxiety and fear. SO hard to do, but He enables us to when we lay our fears at the Throne of Grace and the Alter of His Mercy!
My apologies that this is waaay too long for a comment, and late to boot, but I hope my testimony encourages someone today. God Bless you all! 🙂
Wow, Angel. You have been through so much with your family. Thank you for taking the time to share. I mean that. By our testimony, others are encouraged and empowered. Praying and believing that God will faithfully lead those who may need to read your words here to this post. Much love to you, sister. Press on.
Thank You. So much.