It’s one of those times. You know. That season when God leads you to do something that you really don’t want to do. Yet you know that if you follow His lead then it will for your good and His glory. Because that’s how He works. But…you still don’t have the emotional desire.
I’ve been here a few times before — stepping onto ground I didn’t ask for and never would have chosen. Sometimes it’s been rocky, desolate, near-dangerous ground. Other times it’s just been a little unpredictable and slightly inconvenient to my plans — like now.
But regardless of the degree, I still don’t like the menu. And He typically has to coax me through the front door. And something always smells funny in here.
That’s where I’m at. Heading down a new path I wouldn’t have chosen.
To make a long story somewhat short, I’ve never ever wanted to homeschool. Ever. Did I say “ever”? But as we prayed about what to do next year — as we’ve prayed every year — God has nudged us in that direction. And I must admit it has come with personal nausea, induced by fear.
I could go on and on about the feelings I felt when I withdrew them from school for next year. Or how overwhelmed I can get when I think about that scary “c” word. (“curriculum”) But I’ll spare you the details.
All that to say, God sometimes leads us to do things we don’t necessarily want to do. I mean, I don’t think Jesus wanted to die on a gruesome cross. Not that homeschooling is equivalent to crucifixion. But if we’re seeking Him, there will be times when He leads us to do something that our emotions rise up against.
That’s why I have to remember that feelings are real, but they aren’t always reliable. Feelings fluctuate and move. They’re fluid and fallen. God’s wisdom, on the other hand, is a firm foundation.
My husband and I don’t sense God being harsh. In fact, I believe He would be faithful to draw our kids to Himself even if we kept them in school. But for us, next year, we think it’s a decision of “best.” We think He has certain blessings for our family that we’d miss if we chose to not follow His lead.
So, what to do? Well, if we don’t yet know God’s leading about something, my advice is pretty simple (and somewhat churchy). Keep praying. Keep searching the Scriptures. Keep asking Him for wisdom. But the most important thing: Expect Him to answer!
Expect Him to answer.
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
James 1:5-6
He promises to give wisdom to those who ask. He promises to guide the feet of His children. Emotions may not agree with the road He points us down, but eventually emotions come around as we follow after Him. I’m banking on that one.
Fill me, Lord…
Tell me about a time when God led you down a road you didn’t choose or plan. How did He bless once you followed His lead?
And for the record: This will not turn into a homeschool blog. And I don’t believe that a person has to homeschool to be a good mom or dad. This is just where God has our family for the coming year. Prayers appreciated.
Lara, you are going to rock this. You are a teacher to so many of us already! Plus, when all else fails you can always rap them a lesson 😉 (seriously though, well done to follow the narrow road after Jesus’ way…it may not be comfortable or look “perfect” some days, but this is a beautiful legacy to leave your kiddos.)
Great idea about the rapping. Seriously. I’m writing that down as a viable option.
I cannot wait to hear more about this.
Yeah. Me too. Ha.
Where God guides, He provides! 🙂 He’s got this. I have so many stories like this it would take a book to write them all (walking in the midst of a few right now.) I’ve gotten to the point where when I am asked to do something unexpected I just laugh and wonder what on earth God has in THIS one. It’s a good place to be, really. When I open my white knuckle grip to release things to Him, He can finally find a place in my hands to fill up with all His blessings. As for homeschooling, I’m biased. But I started out terrified. We’re finishing up our 11th year. I can’t imagine it any other way now. It has been a profound blessing.
Thanks for those encouraging words, Patti. You are precious.
Homeschooling was a road like that for us when we began five years ago. And today it’s still a little scary, but girl, the BLESSINGS! Will pray for you to see yours quickly. They are so encouraging.
I want to believe what all you sweet homeschool veterans say about the abundance of blessings. So I like your prayer that I will see some quickly. 😉
Homeschooling is the hardest decision we have made as a family. I have cried many mornings because I didn’t “want” to do it, or felt I was capable. But He has been sooo faithful to our obedience to His calling our family in this area. I keep reminding myself that “His power is perfected in my weakness”! Praying friend. You will do amazing. The decision and my struggle through it has truly drawn me closer to Him!
I know it’s true that obedience leads to blessing. I know it. He’s proven it. It’s our feelings (and the lies!) that trip us up at times. But like you said, the struggle draws us closer to Him. Believing that to be true with this new journey we’re on.
Ahh..I have spoken to hundreds of new homeschool mamas like you. Truth is.. when we homeschool our children, God home-schools us. And it’s the most beautiful journey I’ve taken. Your heart will expand like never before.
I like that. God home-schools us. He’ll have too. Because I’m always needy for “schooling.”
I never imagined I would be a stay at home mom but when I had my daughter, I KNEW I was supposed to stay at home with her. The thought of leaving my job was scary. In fact, God had to remove the job (as in company lay off) for me to get on board. 17 years later, it was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. I felt the same way about homeschooling but, again, just knew it was what God had planned for our family and we did it for 11 years. Every step was by the grace of God and my family is so much better for it. God gets the glory! I will be praying for you and your family. The good thing is that when it’s a God-thing, it’s His responsibility to make it work, You just have to let Him!
“Every step by His grace.” He’s so gracious in spite of me. Though I guess that’s the definition of grace. And I like what you said about it being His responsibility since it’s His thing. Praying I’m a willing, teachable vessel. Thanks, Jessica.
You. can. do. it. Grace, love for your children, and a huge community of support will be building blocks. xoxo
You’re a rockstar mama, Christine. xoxo
It’s kind of a relief to read this today, Lara, because I am in this spot with several decisions we are contemplating. I can be such a stubborn fraidy cat, I’ve realized. Just this week I was reflecting on other times in my life where God has asked me to do something, and exactly like you said, so many of those times the “feeling” didn’t come until AFTER I decided to follow (much to my chagrin, honestly). But He does bring blessing through obedience…so I’m excited for you! You’ve got this, girl. You’re so right, He DOES give wisdom…gosh I am thankful for that. His strength always shows up through our weakness…I’ve experienced that so much…I’ve got a lot of weak spots 😉
P.S. I just started following your blog about a month ago, and your straightforward words, love of the Word, and fiery heart for Jesus that is displayed through your blog just bless and challenge me so much. Also? You take beautiful pictures 🙂 (I mean that in a totally non-creepy-Instagram-stalkerish way 😉 ) Blessings to you and your family on this new journey!
Yes, Ashlie. So so thankful for His wisdom. And…you crack me up. I’ve liked your Instagram pics too — in a non-stalkerish way. 😉
Blessings to you as you embark on this most excellent, God dependent journey! 🙂
Thanks. 🙂
Four years ago I was in the same situation! My journal reads, “Lord what am I supposed to do? Please don’t say homeschool!” Well, as you’ve probably guessed, HE DID! And I, the one who always said I could NEVER do that, have now completed 4 years. If my son finishes the paper he’s working on this week, he will graduate from high school on June 1. (that is a big IF, ahem). I haven’t done it, God has done it. But I have learned so much. And made so many mistakes! Still, I look forward to 4 more years with my daughter. And I love not having to answer to a school system’s schedule. I know curriculum is overwhelming, but it has turned out to be my favorite part. There are so many cool things to try, but before long, you will have a feel for what works for you. You will make mistakes, but as I just read this morning in Jesus Calling, “Thinking that you should live an error-free life is symptomatic of pride. Your failures can be a source of blessing…” (that’s from May 9–I’m a little behind!) I will pray for your homeschooling journey!
Thank you for that, Michelle. It’s scary. And you’re right. I’m going to make mistakes. But I pray those just press me into even greater dependence on Him. (And by the way, yay for your son!!)
When I brought my boy home to school with me for his second grade I was so scared of failing and “ruining” my little boy! I began with the notion that we’d go year to year with our homeschooling adventure. 7 years later, I no longer re-evaluate each spring. Homeschooling has been a HUGE blessing! I’m so happy that I followed God’s nudging. May He bless your obedience!
>>But for us, next year, we think it’s a decision of “best.” We think He has certain blessings for our family that we’d miss if we chose to not follow His lead.<<
My family is at a place right now of making a life change that I did not WANT to make. Yet I am being faithful (after some resistance) and WOW…He is moving in ways that I didn't image! I appreciate your post today…thank you for the reminder!
I’ve actually been waiting for this post 😉 You spoke at a HS mom’s retreat last year and I had a gut feeling you might end up going that route. We’re just in the beginning stages of it with my not-quite-six year old but I can’t imagine it any other way! It is a different lifestyle though… The internet has LOTS to offer, but it can also get overwhelming. Take a step back, think about what your goals are and what your style is, and start sorting through it all that way.
I have sat on the front porch and cried, and in the bathroom and cried, and put my head under my pillow and cried ….several times in the last 20 years as I have homeschooled. But I also cried tears of joy as I watch them graduate and go to college and say “thanks Mom.” Or when they tell me why they decided to choose God’s way over their own way or the worlds way ..”because you, Mom, didn’t choose your own way or the way that seemed easier at the time” I have no regrets….but I still have 5 to go…Yikes. Everyday can be adventure….and you get to choose which kind. The Lord bless you as you learn to depend on Him. Holy Spirit led Homeschooling is the best way to go.