That’s where I’ve been lately. Struggling against my own heart desires. Wanting to want what God has for me. Yet wrestling to find desire for the difficult.
But He’s been so tender. He’s proven again and again that He remembers my humanity. He doesn’t push His children around demanding we “straighten up and smile.” He knows we can’t see past today. And He’s kind.
Maybe you’ve been there. Or are there. Wanting, but not wanting, what God has for you today. My biggest piece of advice to us in the midst of that heart struggle? One by one, take the feelings to Him.
Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good!
Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!
Psalm 34:8
Feelings aren’t wrong, but they aren’t always reliable. They’re a gauge, not necessarily a map for our tomorrow. So when we struggle to want what God has for us, take those feelings to Him. And then wash them with truths of His character.
He hasn’t forgotten you or me. He has a plan. And His plans are for our good…and for His great glory. They often include the beautiful painful. But His loving kindness never ever runs dry.
Fill me, Lord…
Have you ever been there? Wanting but not wanting what God has?
How do you move forward through the difficult?
Yes, I’ve been there distinctly. Our desire for children was overwhelming and after several surgeries and two failed IVF attempts I cried out to God that my heart wanted his plan in our life but we also wanted children and it wasn’t happening. Could it be he didn’t want this for us. I wanted what God wanted for us more but I didn’t know how to stop the desire to have children. I went to my husband after grappling with this and feeling so torn and he said, “Melody, let’s pray that God will change the desires of our heart. Only He can change that desire in us to align with his plan for us.” And so that’s what we did. We prayed for God to change within us our desires while leading us to what He had planned for us long ago. We knew that plan was for us to prosper but it sure didn’t feel like it at the time. I kept anticipating how God might change my desire for children. I conjured up scenarios. Like at church on a Sunday I’d be keeping nursery…..Lalala, just rocking a sweet lil’ baby and then all of a sudden it pukes all over me and in that instant I might lose all desire to ever have a child – ever. But that never happened. I’d rock those babies and pray for our own that was not to be yet. We continued to pray and ask God to change our hearts and told him our desire was for His will more than anything…..but still wanted a snotty nosed kid – like real bad. This is turning too long but I’ll just say that eventually God made it crystal clear that He had a plan for us to adopt and it was another beautiful adventure of trusting God. I love your practical advise of “one by one, take our feelings to God.” That’s where it’s at. He really does care. And He really does hear. Can I just say how stinkin’ excited I am to have found your blog? You might be cringing at this point because when I arrive on a scene it can just be really flat out scary. I’ll try to behave. Really, I will. And no more loooong comments. Promise.
Melody, your testimony meant so much to me today. Thank you for sharing!
so so good, sister. proud of the woman of God you are.
You are precious, sister. Much much love.