I really don’t want to write this post. In fact I almost didn’t. But it felt like I was leaving something off of this impromptu series about sex if I failed to mention sex in regard to us married people.
My husband and I are a work in progress. God has graciously healed us from some deep valleys, teaching us so much about His plan for sexuality along the way. So it’s from my imperfections and lessons-learned-the-hard-way that I write.
As married, Jesus-followers, theoretically our sex lives could/should be the best on the planet. I mean, our God created sex. If we love one another as He intended and then give ourselves to one another as He intended, then our sex lives could quite possibly be the most physically, emotionally, and spiritually intimate experiences known to man.
Yet so many Christian marriages struggle in the area of sex. And all I can figure is that it’s because of sin. I’m selfish. He’s selfish. I’ve been hurt. He’s been hurt. I have baggage. He has baggage. I have expectations. He has expectations. You get the picture.
When two messy people get married, the result is a messy marriage. It’s a time of learning and sacrifice and growing and changing. And sex is no different — it takes time (and God’s great grace) to mature into something beautiful.
Of all I don’t understand about sex and all I can’t explain about sex, this much I know. Sex is an important part of marriage. Depriving one another leaves us vulnerable to the enemy. Paul tells us that in his letter to the church at Corinth.
Do not deprive (your spouse of sex), except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7:5
If we think about it, God makes us one with our spouse. He fuses our souls together. Sex is a physical display of a much deeper union. When we deny our spouse, in essence we sever that union.
That said, sex is not the solution to all marital problems. There are complicated situations. There are hurts that often need mending. There is sin that takes its toll on intimacy.
But there are times when the answer to distance between us as a married couple is much simpler. Sometimes we as husbands and wives simply need to pray that prayer again, “Lord, make us to want one another, beginning in me”. Sometimes the answer may be to…well…have sex.
Fill me, Lord…
*Ahem* What advice would you give to the rest of us married folk about married sex? Click here to join the conversation.
Lara, I love this series, and love your willingness to post about this subject! Such an important part of marriage we neglect to bring to the surface and ask God to bless!
Thanks, Christie. Have a great Friday. 🙂
Ben and I are reading through Tim Keller’s excellent book on Marriage right now and he makes a wonderful and important point that sex is part of God’s wonderful plan for marriage (as you’ve stated so well too!), but sex is not the sum total of a marriage. Trouble often comes when couples base their “happiness” in marriage on their personal satisfaction from their sex life. It is a constant giving of self in all areas of marriage, including self.
That is SO true, Betsy! So true. I haven’t read that book. I’ll have to check it out!
Communication is always the key in relationship between God and spouse. Sex is the most intimate communication because it is the mystery of becoming one. Improve how you communicate verbally lends itself to communicating intimately in the bedroom.
This came at a much needed time in my marriage. Thank you!