Dear single sister-friend,
You’ve been on my mind lately. Yes, you. Because I can’t get away from all the “sex” in this world. Every magazine cover screams of sexuality. Music videos taunt with little clothes and bare chests. Movies and books sell because of R-ratings. It’s everywhere!
So with all this sex talk, I keep thinking of you. Because I know it’s difficult to live in a world filled with temptation. I know what it’s like to believe that giving yourself away could somehow fulfill that desire to be loved.
I know because years ago, I was a promiscuous girl in search of “love.” I’m one who gave my body and soul away before the Lord rescued me from me — leaving scars on my spirit that can still effect.
God made sex. He designed it in all of its mystery. He created it in all of its complexity. We’re the ones that mess it up. We abuse and confuse it.
When He says that He crafted it for marriage, He says so out of His pursuing, perfect, consuming love for you and for me. It’s not that He’s mean or on some egotistical high, setting unreasonable boundaries. He defines sexuality. He blesses it.
But we worship it. We as a society take this deeply spiritual intimacy and make it a physical mockery. We as humans act as if we control our sexuality, saying when and where and why, when in actuality it controls us. We pant and lust and drool, mishandling the beauty He intended. I mishandled it.
I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,
that you not stir up or awaken love
until it pleases (your Lord).
Song of Solomon 8:4
Graciously, He forgives. He cleanses. He restores broken vessels. Always remember that truth. But He allows the scars. He heals, but leaves reminders of His great mercy.
So I’ve been thinking of you. And praying for you — that you would wait for that one He’s preparing. That you would remember true beauty and trust your Father to be faithful. And that you would continually pray for your future husband, because he’s facing the same, relentless deceptions.
Signed in love,
A girl with scars
Fill me, Lord…
If you’re single, how have you struggled against the world’s conversation about sex?
If you’re not single, what would you say to your single sister-friends about sexuality?
To all my fellow Sermon on the Mount peeps, wow. Feeling a little tangled in chapter six but I’m pressing on, by His grace. I pray that He gives us quick minds this week.
{Week 28}
And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
Matthew 6:28-29
Sex is such a gift from God when it is within marriage. He has given us a way to connect with our spouse that is complex and wonderful. Sex outside of marriage is so flat and empty. The whole point of sex is to bind two souls together. Single girls, please allow God the opportunity to do something beautiful in your life. Please allow Him to knit you and your spouse together completely once you are married.
Hi friend! I’ve missed you. And yes, “complex” is right. He’s so gracious and patient, but His ways are best. We miss so much when we try to make sex (and all of life) fit into our own agenda. Much love to you, sister.
I think the culture has done a great wrong to our single girls in its “teaching” about sex, but truthfully, I’m a little miffed at the church as well for giving the impression that those who wait would get the promised “magical specialness” and orchestral music on her wedding night. In both cases, we stress the wrong thing-a physical act that can be anything from super fun to downright gross. Just like every part of a relationship, the physical part takes time. I DID wait to have sex, and I’m glad I did. After 10 years of marriage, we have a great sex life (sorry, TMI). But as I told my 20 something cousin who is struggling to wait: sex is worth waiting for, AND it is also NOT WORTH not waiting for. (Read it again.) Sex just isn’t awesome enough to trade it for a closeness and intimacy that it won’t necessarily bring. Sex just isn’t satisfying enough to use it as a method for finding love and fulfillment. I think if the church would be a little more frank with gals, less worried about making it the “magic bullet” of specialness, and tell the truth about scars and other such bits of info, girls wouldn’t be so blinded by the cloud of raging hormones and misinformation.
I love how you worded this! It’s so true! It is worth waiting for and yet it isn’t for use as the ‘magical specialness’ tool or to manipulate.
You mean the angelic orchestra didn’t play on your wedding night?! Seriously. I love what you said. It is beautiful and messy and takes work and patience. And it isn’t the “magic bullet” of specialness. Thanks for your perspective. So good and needed.
Lara, thanks for writing this. I’m single and divorced, but I have four kids so obviously I know about sex. Going from ‘sex is blessed’ to no more se has been difficult and trying and sometimes I feel like I’m back in high school where all we talked about was sex! Gah! But thank you for writing this and communicating truth. Have an awesome day.
Kristina
Oh girl, I can only imagine it is so difficult. The world all but screams at us about sex and beauty and worth; and nearly all of its messages land so far from God’s design and intention. Praying for you this morning, Kristina. You are His precious creation, crafted with purpose and gorgeous beauty. Press on, sweet sister.
As a never-been-married woman, this topic hits very close to home. I, too, have scars. I can only lament my decision to give away my purity far too young. I’m forgiven & restored, yes I believe that I am. And I love what you wrote about praying for my future husband and God preparing him as He is preparing me. I find strength in that prayer. As a daily sign to myself & to God, I wear a ring to remind me that my husband is waiting. I have a lot to lose if I slip and fall into the trappings of the world. This little ring has saved me on more than one occasion. Thank you for this article – it provided me with confirmation that I am, indeed, on the right path.
Thank you for commenting, Mary. What a beautiful testimony. And I am certain you are not alone. Praying He continues to refresh and sustain you.
And….the single Christian men. My sons are both waiting and waiting and waiting….
Amen for MEN who are waiting.