I know a mama needs to vent. Believe me, these little ones can break me down. Break. Me. Down. But I whispered a little promise to myself awhile back. And though I fail at times — believe me, I fail — I desperately want to talk about my kids in an honorable way. I want my words to lift them up.
I can easily sit with my friends, sipping on a Pumpkin Spice Latte, while talking about all the ways my kids frustrate me. Yep. Done it. But I’m pretty sure that those warnings against gossip and slander apply to me as a mom.
I don’t want my words to build them into someone they’re not. That would be rooted in my pride. But when I speak of them to others, I want to respect their searching hearts.
These kids of ours are on a journey. They’re in process, just like us. They’re going to fail. They’re going to mess up. But I don’t have to tell all my friends about it. I wouldn’t want anyone to do that to me.
It’s called grace. It’s called love. It’s Jesus-like.
Fill me, Lord…
How do you guard your mouth when it comes to talking about your kids?
What boundaries do you have in speaking “about” them?
I talk softly. The more upset I am, the quieter I make my voice. Yelling doesn’t accomplish anything, and I feel it can break their hearts – so by lowering my voice I seem to guard my words and my tongue better!
Aurie, that’s so good. I use the whisper tactic too. I might be yelling in my heart but if it comes out as a whisper…it’s just better for everyone. 😉
So true! I made this pact with myself about the way I speak of my husband, but haven’t officially made it about my kids. Great idea!
So encouraging, Christine — about our husbands. I totally agree. And I guess it all begins with how we are *thinking* about our husband and kids. (Fill us, Lord.)
Even though I am getting better, I still struggle more in this area with griping to others about my husband than I do my kids. This is a good reminder for me.
As far as how I guard my mouth, I try really hard to go to God in prayer FIRST and pour my heart out to Him (AND confess the bitterness and anger in my own heart) instead of calling or texting a friend about it. I have seen that WHEN I do this, God softens my heart and gives me His perspective. He encourages me and gives me peace so that I no longer feel the need to “gossip” to my friends.
Such great advice, Amy. Run to Him first (to the throne and not the phone). Or I actually run to the throne on the phone — holding my cell phone to my ear in public parking lots talking to Him, “Lord, help me!”
My son’s love language is Words of Affirmation; therefore, words, either positive or negative, affect him deeply. Even when I correct him, I strive to point out what he has done well or the positive things I’ve observed. Along with that, I weave in words of correction. I never want to leave him discouraged, hurt or hopeless. I must also realize the work of the Holy Spirit can be trying on the heart, but that is a part of the refining process.
My husband and I STRIVE to not talk “about” our son, but include him in any conversation about him. If we need to speak about him, we take our conversation outside of his hearing.
Thank you for this post, Lara. This is SUCH a close subject to my heart.
Thanks, Stefanie. That’s such a great thing to think about — our kids’ love language. Words affect. Blessings, sister-friend.
Oh my I was just thinking about this the other day so what a timely post for me to read. Yes my kids break me down too, but one of the things I try my best to do (in addition to NOT talking negatively about them to others) is when they do something good i talk about them as if they are “not in the room”. So just yesterday after coming from a very positive parent teacher conference for my first grader I got on the phone with my mother, with my six year old in the room, and just talked about how such a good student he is etc etc. I could feel him beaming with pride. We all love to “over hear” people saying good things about us. It almost seems more genuine when the goodness is spoken about you TO someone else as oppose to it being spoken directly to you. Just my thoughts. Great post!
That’s so good, Keya. You’re right. To “overhear” someone say something kind about us really pierces the soul. Blessings.
Though I try to never “bash” my kids, I had never considered that the same standard I hold for my speech about my husband {always respectful when speaking of him} I should I hold for my kids. Thanks for sharing!!
Thank you so much for this post. I made a pact with myself never to complain about my kids to anyone. They are my greatest blessing. But do I always talk about them positively? I’m not so sure…
Oh if we only talked about our kids the way our Heavenly Father talks about us. . . .
I’m going to be thinking about this this week. Thank you!
I love your heart towards your kids. I don’t have kids yet, but you are a great example to me of what kind of mother I hope to be someday. Thank you for sharing:)
http://the-life-of-faith.blogspot.com/
Thanks, Faith. I fail daily but my deepest desire for them is that they see Him, and by His grace see Him in me. And when I mess up, His grace remains sufficient. Blessings to you.
It matters very much how we talk to our children if we don’t talk correctly to them we later have those same children growing up as adults with issues, and not being respectful to others.
This is something I struggle with. It is a daily battle between my flesh and my spirit. I’m with Aurie though, I lower my voice when I notice I’m getting upset.