Don’t get me wrong. I want my kids to obey. What I wouldn’t give. But obedience to the law isn’t my ultimate hope for them. My ultimate prayer as a parent is that each of my children would passionately love their God and then spill out His love onto people. Obedience follows.
But if I’m honest, in the practicalities of the day-to-day, I get entangled in the battle for their obedience. Yet rules and laws won’t ever change their hearts. Rules and laws won’t grow love.
For by works of the law no human being will be justified in (God’s) sight, since through the law comes knowledge of sin.
Romans 3:20
We need rules and laws in our homes because by the law we know what’s right and wrong. But the law doesn’t make me want to obey. The law doesn’t stir love in me. It actually makes me want to rebel.
I may choose to obey externally because I don’t like the consequences to disobedience. But the law in and of itself won’t change my heart. Or the hearts of our children. And we step onto dangerous ground as parents when we expect the law to transform their inner being.
What changes the inner man, transforming us from the inside out, is the Maker of heaven and earth. More specifically an encounter with the great grace of God. An encounter with Jesus. The Father’s kindness and grace as seen in Christ draws us to Him.
So I wanted to list four ways we can express God’s grace in our homes especially when our children disobey “the law.”
Pray.
Yep. Pray. Pray we have His vision for them. Pray we reflect Him in our response. And pray they see His love, in spite of their rebellion.
Respond. Not react.
Easier said than done when emotions flare. In the midst of disobedience, it’s wise to send them to their own space while we gain His perspective. Being slow to speak has great reward.
Place expectation in its proper place
Yes, I want them to obey. But the truth is, even I don’t obey and I’m thirty-something. I fail every single day. We can expect that they too will fail. But we can also expect that God’s grace is sufficient. We can expect that in spite of me or them, He keeps pursuing and forgiving.
Use acts of disobedience to reveal their need.
Every act of disobedience is proof that we need a Savior. We can’t be good enough. Our flesh is weak. There’s only One way to reach God, and it’s through the grace of Jesus. So I tell my kids, “This shows again how much we need Jesus. Ask Him to forgive you, work in you, and then thank Him for His continual grace.”
We have rules in our home. We give lots of consequences. But I also pray we reflect God’s grace. Because it’s His love that leads to true heart repentance.
Fill me, Lord…
How else can we show grace in our parenting?
Love this message, but it is a struggle for me. I grew up obeying because I didn’t like the consequences if I didn’t (which led to me hiding disobedience and thinking I was doing just fine – but that’s another story). I expect my kids to just OBEY ALREADY because aren’t my consequences bad enough? But, if they did just fall in line all the time, I wouldn’t have the opportunity you mention to show them their need for Jesus.
I’m so grateful for your writing! Happy weekend to you!
Thank you, friend. I know that feeling of “OBEY ALREADY!” Ugh. It can be so frustrating at times. I need His constant help to keep perspective of the role of the law and the role of grace. Hugs to you!
I’m not sure how to show grace in parenting. I am totally that person who tries to follow the rules all the time and misses grace in moments. I think that it helps to remember (and I pray that God reminds me of this always – especially when I have children) that it wasn’t the law that led me back to Christ. It was His grace. His love. His overwhelming goodness that makes me want to be the good girl in the first place.
Oh, this is so good. It’s so what I want, and so what I struggle with. I don’t want to over spiritualize everything with them to the point of them rolling their eyes, but I want them to see beyond the action or the situation. Being a mom is just so hard if you want to do it right! So very thankful for God’s grace, strength and wisdom. And women like you who share your heart’s and wisdom with the rest of us! Thank you!