I’m having surgery. Right now. Heart surgery. Ok ok, not literally, but dramatically. Not physically, but transforming-ly. God is cutting away dead places in me.
In recent months, I’ve asked Him to usher in greater freedom in my soul-life — you know, the deep down places that no one really sees. The places that have hidden threads of bitterness or unforgiveness or fear that weave their way in, ever-so-slyly. But greater freedom means something in me (or you) needs healing or releasing. Because in Christ there is fullness of freedom. Period. So if we’re not experiencing joy or peace or soul-abundance in some area of our lives then we’re the ones who need His touch.
I’ve asked our all-knowing, all-seeing, all-everything God to reveal stuff in my heart that ultimately steals the life Jesus died to give me. And wow. That’s a scary prayer. Not scary like when I completely freaked out in the dark and screamed for Jesus. No. Scary like, “This is gonna hurt, but I know it will hurt good.” And as a faithful, good Daddy, He’s been answering. And {deep breath} it hurts good. It hurts deep. It hurts right.
My friend Chrystal is the one who said I was having surgery. But “not the kind where someone straps you down, demanding with a scalpel. No. It’s the kind of surgery that God won’t force upon His children, but waits to give should we willingly climb up on the table.”
It’s the kind of surgery that
God won’t force upon His children,
but waits to tenderly give should
we willingly climb up on the table.
By His absolute grace and tender drawing, I’ve climbed up on the table because I know this about our God. He’s so. very. good. He has fullness of life for His children, even in the midst of difficulty. And He waits to willingly restore and heal us from anything that steals the life Christ died on a cross to give us.
I ain’t gonna lie. Heart-surgery hurts. It hurts because we (I) allow time and pain to bury deep roots. And we allow the roots to be covered up with fresh soil — deceptively telling ourselves that the roots are gone, all the while they keep digging deeper and deeper, crowding out the beautiful fruit that God wants to birth in and through us. But the Master Gardener doesn’t leave or forsake us. Instead, He draws us to Himself.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!”
Psalm 139:23-24
(Don’t you sense the passion in David’s plea?
Look at all those exclamation marks!)
So it’s time for surgery. Because our tender Daddy whispers freedom…freedom and healing if we’re willing to climb up on the table.
Fill me, Lord…
Share a time when you underwent “heart surgery” with our God.
HI!
I need this too! But, I need to understand it better.
Do you ask God to reveal the sin in your heart…all sin…hidden in the deep places? Then, when things pop in your head, do you repent and ask forgiveness? Is this how it works? I hear people say God’s working on them and doing heart surgery, but I wanted a visual of what this looks like. (I’m a visual learner! =)
Also, you have talked about meeting Jesus in the secret place. Please share because I want to meet Him there!!! =) I just want to understand how to draw closer to Him. I’m trying to learn how to know if He is speaking or if its me or the enemy. I’m struggling here.
I have some junk to clean out. =/
thanks! Have a great day!
I will just answer your comment, question by question (as best I can). First, yes, I ask God to reveal the sin in my heart. But to be honest, our human hearts are so full of sin, graciously He doesn’t reveal it all at the same time. Like a Father, He reveals and sanctifies us one step at a time. Second, I do repent if it is sin that I haven’t repented of. But if it’s sin that I know I’ve already repented, I just remind my heart of who I am because of Jesus. Third, meeting Jesus in the “secret place.” This just means that I spend time lingering with Him in worship — when I can break away/hide from my sweet kiddos. When I spend time worshipping — usually to music — it naturally turns into a time of prayer and praise. And as I worship, His Spirit is “stirred,” so to speak. At that point I may spend some time reading the Word or just praying for His view on a situation. And inevitably, if I’ve lingered and really allowed my heart to worship, I will “hear” from Him. I know it may sound a little vague, but mostly God is just wanting to meet with us away from the distractions, where He has our full attention so we can hear what He wants to speak to us. For me, that usually happens after and during times of personal worship. Hope that all makes sense. You’re asking such great questions. God reveals Himself to those who want to know Him, so keep pressing in.
Ah, yes! I climbed up under the knife myself this morning…. Offering up my heart and “my” work, willing to lay it all down in sacrifice until my heart is no longer filled with pride over it, because it’s not really mine but His. It was one of those surgeries where the surgeon comes back and reports, oh, that was bigger and nastier than we expected. I have to admit it was crushing to realize this big ugly mass was growing inside my heart, just as much as it would be for a “real” surgery. I just sat and prayed “create in my a clean heart o God” over and over. Loving this prayer from 139 to go with it. Thank you, as always, for such a beautiful reminder of what God offers us.
So good! So huge! He’s gracious not to leave us or give up on us, isn’t He?! Thanks for testifying. Here’s to running the race…and sometimes tripping and letting Him pick us back up. He’s so faithful.