teaching our kids to be wise with their words

I’ve only been at this parenting “gig” for ten years. Wow, a decade. How did that even happen. I don’t claim any deep wisdom. In fact half the time I’m muttering to God in slight desperation, “Lord, I don’t know how to parent. You’ve gotta help me.” But every once in a while I have a thought that seems somewhat wise and I figure I should write it down quick before it gets lost in my mommy-brain-o-mush.

 

 

Here’s where I will pretend to know American cultural trends when it comes to parenting.

There’s been a huge pendulum swing when it comes to the views on children. The overarching, stereotypical theme used to be, “Children should be seen but not heard.” Then over time a shift took place, with really good intentions, to the point that now the trend says, “Children should share their opinions and thoughts about every issue on the planet because we don’t want to squelch their self-esteem.”

I say it was with “good intentions” because children are valuable in God’s sight and we do want to hear what they feel and think. But with this change, it seems that a wise discipline has been lost among many youth. The discipline of keepin’ yo mouth shut. No disrespect intended.

We’ve created a culture that elevates individual opinion to the place of doctrine. And we’ve encouraged “speaking out” to the point that people don’t know how to filter or restrain their words.

 

Whoever restrains his words has knowledge…
Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise;
when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.
Proverbs 17:27a, 28

 

One little blog post won’t change a culture, but you and I can impact the kids that we’re training up. We can teach them the value of being slow to speak. We can teach them that what they think isn’t necessarily true or helpful. And we can teach them to filter their words through the lens of what God says.

I don’t know exactly how to do all of that. Remember my muttered mantra to God? I don’t know what the heck I’m doing. But I do try to teach a few things here in the Williams household. Not that our kids have learned or always implement these things but isn’t the goal of parenting to press on with hope that eventually wisdom will stick? Yep. We press on.

So here they are. Five things we can teach our kids to help them learn wisdom when it comes to their words.

1. Listen twice as much as you speak, because God gave us two ears and only one mouth. This teaches self-control.
2. Enter a room silently. I encourage them to let their feet enter a space before their words. This teaches humility and respect because it assumes that whatever the other people in that room are already saying is just as important as what we want to say.
3. Wait your turn. Just, wait. If someone else is talking, listen until it’s your turn to speak rather than talking over them in a louder voice. This teaches…basic manners.
4. Practice silence. We do this by having times of quiet. Sometimes it’s out of pure selfishness that I insist on the quiet. But if the silence is guided with journaling or reading, it can be a tool to teach my kids how to process their own thoughts and how to seek God without distraction.
5. Use two filters before words come out of your mouth asking, “Are my words both necessary and kind?” If not, maybe it’s best not to say that thing. This teaches that words affect people. It also teaches self-reflection, because words come from the heart. So if our words are craptacular then something’s going on in our heart that needs addressing.

I want to hear my kids. I want to know what they are thinking and how they are feeling. I want them to know that they are of great value. And I want to help them process their thoughts. But right along side those desires, are the desires to teach them wisdom with their words. I want them to learn that there’s a time to speak and squeal or shout but there’s also a time to keep silent. And a purposeful pause between our thoughts and our words is wisdom.

 
Fill me, Lord…

How do you teach your kids to be wise with their words?