I planned on posting something different today. But I remembered that this week marks the one year anniversary of the release of my book To Walk or Stay. So, I thought it should be documented. Because maybe that’s what authors do? Not sure. Anyway…
Upon the release of that book, I was given a front row seat into the reality that so many people are in challenging — sometimes downright devastating — marriage situations. I get emails every week from desperate people longing for a glimmer of hope for their homes.
So today, I want to point to the one thing. The one hope for every home: God Himself.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”
Romans 15:13
It’s not just a church-answer. It’s not just something intended to make us feel good while we sit in front of the computer reading this post, unable to affect today. It’s reality. God alone transforms homes. And the way He transforms homes is by transforming individual hearts, one at a time, beginning in you and me.
I’ll keep on saying what I’ve said before, because we all need reminding. The greatest victory for me personally in our own marriage story isn’t the fact that my husband and I are still married — though by God’s grace we are, continually pressing into further and further healing and oneness. The greatest victory was that God proved Himself to be sufficient even in the hottest parts of our fiery trials.
Before we could see any tangible hope for our marriage, I experienced the hope that my God would and could fully and completely restore and fill my soul regardless of how our marriage story unfolded. That was the victory.
Hollywood doesn’t tell the full tale. Love is way more than “happily ever after”. True love — God love — is learned when we’re called to love someone when they can’t or won’t love us in return. When we love as an overflow of God’s love in us. And that only happens in the surrender. It only happens in the death to self, living by faith that God will indeed be forever good, “Lord, my life, my marriage, my days are not mine to own. I am Yours. Use me as a testament to Your precious, sacrificial love.”
“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.”
1 Corinthians 13:1-3
Messy, fallen people hold the titles of “husband” and “wife” in a messy, fallen world. And it isn’t our job to change the other person. We can only submit to the Lord’s movement to change our own hearts, in turn trusting God to have His way with our spouse.
The hope for homes isn’t a restored marriage — though God can restore even the most shattered of relationships. The hope for homes is God himself. God working in individual hearts with eternal vision. And when we submit to God’s movement in our individual lives — us learning what it means to truly love — the fabric of our marriages will slowly change for His glory and our blessed good.
Fill me, Lord…
How has God changed you through your marriage story?
My husband had a three year affair. I caught him 2 years ago. He tried to stop but was addicted to the relationship. It’s quite a long story but we had to separate for a year. We tried counseling. We went to church every Sun even during the separation (we were attending a Protestant church). He then was told that his only hope was 12 step for sex addiction (going every day for 90 days) or rehab. He did the 90/90 and more. He did more counseling. We found our way back to the Catholic Church (we are cradle Catholics). He fell in love with Christ and now attends daily mass and received the Eucharist daily and frequent confession. Our marriage is restored by God’s grace. He is a new man, raised from the “dead”.
Wow, Cristina. What an amazing testimony. Thank you so much for sharing, “He is a new man, raised from the ‘dead’.” Powerful.
Thanks for your comment back, Lara. I would like to read your book sometime and hear your story. For me, looking back, all I see is God’s mercy and love through this trial. I would never have grown as close to Him as I am today if I had not suffered through this. I would never have truly put Jesus first in my life. And our marriage is now better than ever thanks be to God. He is Healer, Redeemer, the Wonderful Counselor, Spouse of my soul. Thank you, Jesus, for breaking me down and building me up new! Peace to you Lara and may God continue to pour blessings down on your family. Thank you for your beautiful blog.
This is so good Lara! I’m still walking this out, and praying for full restoration. I completely agree that the greatest story is the way God shows up and proves Himself faithful and sufficient in the biggest messes of our lives.
True love — God love — is learned when we’re called to love someone when they can’t or won’t love us in return. When we love as an overflow of God’s love in us. And that only happens in the surrender. It only happens in the death to self, living by faith that God will indeed be forever good, “
I just prayed asking God if I’m making progress in my trial/circumstance when things don’t “look” good. I also told someone that the love I feel for my husband is indescribable , especially the way he acts toward me. I see him with new eyes, new love, new compassion. I want so badly to act on it and I do as 1Peter 3:1 says…for now. Then I see this on your blog!! When I feel like I’m not changing…I might actually BE…even if it’s a little!!! Especially the surrender part! I wrestle with that one!!!
Thanks!!
Lara, I am so thankful that you were obedient to God in sharing your story for His glory. Please know that God has used it in my life. It is such an encouragement to see how our Lord is so faithful in the sanctification of his dearly loved… Having to walk through the unfaithfulness of my husband has given me an invaluable understanding of the forgiveness that I have been given through Christ.
Erin
liveintheround.com