A friend of mine said something this weekend that’s been painfully rolling around in me for two solid days. She said, “I wasn’t an angry person until I had kids.” Can I get an “amen”? Then she went on to say how God was revealing that He uses our relationships and circumstances to pull out the mess that already lines our hearts. Ugh. I told you it was painful.
I know it’s true. It’s just that my mind likes to falsly think that I’m not as jacked up as I really am. I play this mental game at times where I check-off certain life lessons, “Love my enemies. Check. Got that one figured out.” Until wham, an enemy offends and I’m right back to square one. Maybe square two. But still desperately, desperatly dependent on Jesus.
But I’m learning that that’s the point. The point of this Christian walk isn’t that we act better and live more disciplined and learn to do Christian things on our own. The point is to see ourselves as we really are — completely needy for God’s grace. And then learn dependence upon the only One who willingly empowers us in spite of our many weaknesses. Many weaknesses. Because He’s grace.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. ” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9 – 12:10
Sometimes I feel like I have to preach the same stinkin’ personal sermons to myself every, single day. My mind’s all like, “Heart! Dude! Can’t you remember this already?!” And my heart’s all like, “Mind! Geez! I just feel so much about everything and all my feelings give me amnesia to what you said eight minutes ago.”
So then I have to go back into the laundry room and shut the door and remind my heart of all that my head knows to be true. A continual, slightly maddening cycle.
But maybe He graces us with vision of our weaknesses — the ones that life and relationships press out of us every day — as an opportunity to depend even more desperately upon Him. Maybe it’s those weaknesses in which we can boast because it’s in those weaknesses He promises to make us strong!
Instead of acting like we’ve got it all together (as if we never even think something slightly evil about the people we’re called to love), the freedom and victory actually comes when we say, “Yes, I’m a mess. My mind knows truth but my heart sometimes runs in the opposite direction — like a two-year-old trying to escape his mother’s hand because he sees and needs the ice-cream laying in the dirt.” The freedom comes in the confession of our desperation for Him.
The goal of the Christian life isn’t us acting “better”. The goal of the Christian life is desperate, humble dependence on our gracious God in the middle of our weaknesses. And as we depend upon Him in the midst of our mess, by His grace, He slowly transforms us from the inside-out. That’s the victory.
Fill me, Lord…
How have you seen your weaknesses become places of strength?
With what weaknesses are you personally wrestling? I’m sure I’ve got you beat.
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This too I have very recently connected / my continual failings to my continual need for humility and grace, HIS grace. I have learned well how to lose my temper in the silliest situations, but he has also shown me his power at work in me when I surrender and my response can only be the power of the Holy Spirit. Thank you Lord! I loved this, thank you for writing it as a reminder to me to continue to seek his face and his grace in my weakness and strength.
Thank you. And yes, we all need reminding of our continual need for grace. Continual. Lord help us.
This post is SO what I needed today. I have said that phrase about anger so many times since we’ve had children. But I just wonder what He would NOT have brought to the surface if I had not followed His calling as a mother? Motherhood is messy, it can bring out the best and worst in us, but thankful for a God who calls and equips and forgives. Whew. So thankful.