Motherhood. It’s basically one of the hardest things I’ve ever attempted to do in my life. The reason it’s so hard? I can’t control these children.
I mean, sometimes they obey and stay in the boundaries. And those are glorious moments. Sometimes they spontaneously love each other and defend each other and say “yes, ma’am” and close their mouths to chew. But lots and lots of times, they don’t.
So if there’s anything of which I have to continually remind myself in this mother-journey, it’s that my child’s obedience or (outright, downright, blatant) disobedience does not determine my worth or identity. Now read that again, slow and steady.
Granted, God doesn’t want us to live clueless. There’s a place for reflection when our children act the fool, “Lord, is there something you want me to learn from this? Something You want to change in me?” But their behavior cannot be the source of our peace, or else we will be a complete wreck.
Just because our child obeys doesn’t mean that we’re rockstar parents. We feel like rockstar parents when there are glimmers of hope that they won’t end up behind bars. But their obedience is grace. God’s grace.
And just because they lay in the middle of the nasty grocery store checkout pitching a fit because we won’t buy them a ring pop doesn’t mean we stink. It may mean we need to say “no” more often, but it may just point to the fact that they are human.
Humans, by nature, are selfish creatures. We want what we want when we want it. And as a child, not having those selfish cravings fulfilled can spur on slightly psychotic behavior. Lord, help us.
But here’s the really awesome thing.
When we stand before our Maker one day, He isn’t going to look at the behavior of our children to determine our eternal outcome. He will look at our faith. He will look at our heart. He will look at our love. He will look at our response. He will look at whether or not we knew and followed Him.
Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him.
1 John 4:15-16
He’s the perfect Father. His love is perfect. His judgment is perfect. His pursuit is perfect. And look at how crazy-continually-disobedient His children can be.
I know it’s hard. We as parents have a direct soul-attachment to our children. We know what’s best for them. We know that certain roads will lead to destruction. And we just want them to learn.
But God is the One who transforms hearts. That’s not something we (or our impended laws) can do. Yes, we lead. Yes, we train up. Yes, we discipline. Yes, we pray a lot. But allowing their behavior to determine our identity, which in turn determines our soul-peace, puts too much pressure on them. It’s not a job they were created to do.
Our identity comes from God alone. And in turn, our peace comes from knowing our identity in Him.
Our blood pressure will rise and our hearts will sink when our kids walk a path we don’t want for them. But we can go to the Source of all comfort. In Christ we can linger with the God of all peace. And by His grace, moment by moment, He’s willing to guard our mama-heart while our children work out their own salvation before their holy God.
Fill me, Lord…
How does this mindset encourage you as a parent?
it definitely relieves some pressure as i watch my kids walk this earth, sometimes with jesus feet and sometimes not….
I totally agree. Less pressure because ultimately God is the One who will pursue and transform their hearts. Praying I’m a faithful reflection of His love in the meantime. And thankful for His grace when I’m not.
Lara, you always know what to say, how to say, & when to say! Me & some girlfriends were JUST having this conversation last night. Love you & your posts!
I can testify! My youngest son was arrested as a teenager. I won’t go into the details, but I can remember the pain of raising a rebel. I had to get past thoughts like, “I’m a terrible mother,” or questions like, “What am I doing wrong?” My son is now 29 years old. God has called him to the ministry and he’s studying at Southeastern Theological Seminary. He worked out his salvation with fear and trembling (and a lot of warfare praying from his mamma) and I have never been so filled with gratitude that God “does not abandon the works of His hands.”